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Here To Make This Right
Brendon/Spencer (kind of)
1884; PG
Brendon's been down. Spencer just wants to make it better.
Warnings: shameless cute, panic v. brent wilson, brendon parent angst!
If you got here by googling your own name, what the hell are you doing reading fic? I mean, I guess I can't stop you, but really.
Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] jewels667 and [livejournal.com profile] prettygood for awesome betaing/feedback/general types of help.
Written for my Erica Sue on her birthday. I hope you like it. Sorry about the lame title, okay. I have The Cab stuck in my head, randomly


Somewhere on the east coast Brendon starts freaking out. Spencer's never seen him so stressed out, and he's kind of afraid to ask. This is how Brendon usually gets after a particularly stressful conversation with his parents. Only, he's usually not throwing things around the bus.

Spencer's fine when Brendon tears up his own bunk. He doesn't think anything of it because it's not the first time Brendon's misplaced something, and it won't be the last. Then Brendon starts throwing things out of Brent's bunk and, yeah, okay, that's a little weird.

"It's not here," Brendon says, flailing his arms. He looks like he might cry, and Spencer kind of can't stand it. The look on Brendon's face makes Spencer want to look away. "Maybe it's.." Brendon says as he crawls into Ryan's bunk. First Ryan's blankets go and then his pillowcase. The floor between the bunks is a pile of sheets, blankets, pillows and whatever else the other three guys keep in their bunks.

"Brendon," Spencer says, looking into Ryan's bunk. "Brendon, what are you looking for? Maybe I can help."

"No," Brendon says. He crawls over to the edge of the bed to sit and shrugs his shoulders. "No, it's not a big deal." The look on his face tells Spencer that it actually is a pretty big deal.

"Brendon," Spencer says again, sitting down next to him. "You wouldn't have torn up Brent and Ryan's bunks-"

"No." Brendon shakes his head. "Don't worry about it," he says, smiling at Spencer. "I have to go get ready for sound check." Sometimes Spencer wishes that Brendon was able to hide his emotions a little bit better, or that he could, at the very least, come up with a better lie than that. Sound check isn't for two hours, and he leaves the bus without even remotely getting ready for anything.

-

"Ryan," Spencer says. "Something is wrong with Brendon."

It's been a few days since The Bunk Incident, as Spencer has started referring to it. Brendon's been sulking around and not really talking to anyone, and yeah, it's really starting to freak Spencer out. He can't remember seeing Brendon like this since he was seventeen and his parents told him to leave.

"What's wrong with Brendon?" Ryan says in a tone that makes Spencer doubt he really cares. Spencer can usually tell the difference between Normal Monotone and I'm-Just-Humoring-You Monotone, and this is definitely the latter.

"He's..." Spencer says and then stops, not really sure how to follow it up. "I don't know. Did you know he completely tore up the bunks a few days ago. He's looking for something."

"He probably just lost his phone," Ryan says. Spencer doesn't think that's it. Brendon had his phone this morning, and he's never been that emotionally attached to a phone before. Why would he start now?

"Yeah. Maybe you're right," Spencer says. "I'm just overreacting."

-

They're somewhere between New Jersey and Orlando. Spencer's not sure where but he knows they played New Jersey tonight and they play Orlando next week, even though the dates between are all kind of jumbled. It's late, and he can't sleep. He's starting to feel like maybe he's overreacting over this whole Brendon thing. If something was really wrong, Brendon would probably say.

"Hey," Brendon says. Spencer hadn't even noticed him pop his head through the curtain of his bunk. "I can't sleep."


"You can come in," Spencer says, moving over to give Brendon a little more room. The bunks are small enough that they're barely comfortable for one person, and usually Spencer would tell him to go away. Spencer can't do that, not with the way Brendon's been looking lately. He doesn't stop to think about the fact that any other time Brendon would probably go to Ryan.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Spencer says, after Brendon gets settled. "You don't have to, but maybe I can help."


"No, you probably can't." It kind of hurts that Brendon thinks Spencer can't help and wouldn't given the chance. "I'm fine. It's silly."

"It's not silly," Spencer says. It could be silly, but he doubts it. "You've looked really bad lately."


"Gee, thanks, asshole," Brendon says, forcing out a laugh. "You look like shit too."

"Shut up. That's not what I meant," Spencer says. "You've just looked, I don't know, out of it. What are you looking for?"

"It's stupid." Brendon's voice sounds small and defeated and all kinds of other things Spencer never wants it to sound like again, and then he stops talking. Spencer doesn't really know what to say because begging isn't his thing, and Brendon can be stubborn if he wants to. All he can do is ask.

"I lost this thing," Brendon says. "I don't know, something my parents gave me when I was a kid. It's stupid, but with everything..." If Spencer thinks Brendon's going to start crying, he doesn't mention it. "I don't know. I just liked having it here."

Spencer had kind of assumed it had something to do with his parents. Brendon gets a certain look on his face when he's had a fight with them, or starts thinking about everything that's happened with them. Whatever it is, Spencer decides that it's not silly or stupid. It's a very big deal.

"What? Maybe I've seen it." Spencer thinks that's worth a shot, at least.

"No. I've looked everywhere. It's not here," Brendon says. "It's just a stupid little toy. A bear. Like I said, it's stupid." Normally something like this would make Spencer want to slap Brendon, but the look on Brendon's face kind of makes him want to give Brendon a hug so that he can make it better. "I don't want to talk anymore. I'm going to sleep."

Spencer doesn't have the heart to argue.

-

Spencer has an idea. It may or may not work, but damn it he has to try.

He asks Brendon what the bear looks like, but Brendon refuses to tell him, so Spencer goes to Ryan and Brent. Ryan's been in Brendon's bunk a ton of times, so he thinks that maybe Ryan's seen the bear. It turns out that Ryan doesn't actually pay that much attention to the world around him. Go figure. Brent has no clue what Spencer is talking about at all and goes to call his parents. Spencer thinks hope is lost.

And then he remembers that Brendon has this photo album that he sometimes gets out when he's feeling nostalgic or has had a nice talk with his parents, and he thinks maybe there will be something that can help him in there. Brendon is off bothering one of the Academy's techs, so Spencer figures he has plenty of time to crawl into his bunk and look through it.

He finds this picture of Brendon at maybe five years old on what is probably his birthday, holding this little light brown bear with a tan stomach. He flips through the album, and the bear is there a lot, in almost every picture. Spencer thinks that must be it.

His plan is definitely going to work.

-

Except the toy stores between New Jersey and Orlando are all kind of useless, and he never has enough time to actually look around before he has to get back to the venue. It kind of sucks. He hopes he'll have more luck in Orlando.

By mid-afternoon, he's been to like three toy stores and he hasn't found what he's looking for. He's starting to think it's probably too much to ask that he can help Brendon feel better, and what if this doesn't work anyway? Brendon could end up feeling worse, and then Spencer will feel like shit. He's determined though, and he has time to go to at least one more toy store before he has to be back at the venue.

He really wants this to work.

-

Spencer's kind of nervous. He's so nervous that he doesn't give Brendon the bear when he gets back to the venue. Ryan asks him why he's being so twitchy and wonders if it has anything to do with Brendon, and Spencer curses him for choosing now to start paying attention to the situation. It wouldn't be so bad if Brendon wasn't standing right there.

Brendon used to hang out backstage and watch the Academy's set, but lately he's been going straight back to the bus after Panic finishes. Ryan and Brent are both pretty content to let him do what he's going to do and go off and do their own thing. Usually, Spencer follows him back, even if he doesn't try to make him talk or anything, so Brendon hopefully doesn't think it's weird when Spencer catches up to him after the show.

They walk back to the bus without saying anything. Spencer lets Brendon busy himself with making a sandwich and then eating. Spencer tries to tell himself that the reason he's not saying anything isn't because he's nervous.

"What?" Brendon says, from his spot on the sofa. He's got a half a piece of lettuce hanging out of his mouth.

"Nothing. What?" Spencer doesn't get it.

"You're staring at me, dude. It's weird." Brendon says. "In fact, you've been staring at me a lot. What's up?"

"Nothing." Spencer says. "I was thinking about that night in my bunk is all."

Brendon doesn't say anything. He nods and goes back to his sandwich.

"I'll be right back," Spencer says. He goes into his bunk and digs out the bag from the toy store. He's nervous, but he should also do this when Ryan and Brent aren't around. It will save both Brendon and himself a lot of grief. He comes back into the lounge, bag in hand and sits down next to Brendon.

He sort of might have had a little speech prepared, but instead he just puts the bag in Brendon's lap and then puts his hands in his lap and looks down.

"Spencer?" Brendon says, and then Spencer hears the bag rumple and Brendon goes quiet. "Oh."

"Yeah." Spencer doesn't look up. "I sort of snooped because you looked really sad, and I don't know." He shrugs. "I just thought, you know. It might help."

"Wow," Brendon says. "Spencer, I. You." Spencer looks up to see Brendon holding the bear in his hands, staring at it. "Spencer, you didn't have to."

"I know," Spencer says. "I wanted to. You looked sad."

"You already said that," Brendon says. "Thank you."

"Yeah," Spencer says. "You're welcome." Spencer hopes that Brendon's being quiet because he doesn't know what to say and not because Spencer's just made things worse.

"No, really. It. This means a lot. You didn't have to," Brendon says again. "I don't know what to say."

Spencer shrugs and says, "You don't have to say anything. Just," and he doesn't know how he wants to follow that. "Don't lose this one," He says. Maybe it will lighten the mood. "It was a bitch to find, and I'm not buying you another one."

Brendon laughs. "No," He says. "I won't. I promise."

Spencer smiles partly because his plan worked and partly because it's nice to see Brendon laugh like that for the first time in weeks.


I hope you like it, Erica! I have to go to work now.

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