ohnoitsshirley: (Default)
[personal profile] ohnoitsshirley
so ...I wrote fic where Brendon is a snowman? idek.

now, before i melt away
brendon is a snowman. he comes to life.
disclaimed: i don't own panic, and i don't think brendon is actually a living snowman. sorry if you're represented in this fic and are offended. just try not to google yourself next time.
so very rated g, gen.
beta'd by my faaavorite person, [livejournal.com profile] fiddleyoumust. I was in a pissy mood today, and I was at the grocery store, and this song played on the intercom. I suddenly felt like this fic was necessary to life. Clearly, no logic was used in the writing of this fic.

"There," Ryan says with a satisfied grin, as he puts his scarf around the snowman's neck. "That should do it."

"Why is he wearing a scarf?" Jon asks, scratching at his head. "Snowmen don't need ugly scarves, Ryan."

"It's not ugly," Ryan says. The scarf is red and green with gold trim and little silver swirls all around it. The only thing missing is 'merry christmas!' written somewhere on it, and Jon thinks it would probably be the ugliest Christmas-themed scarf in the history of Christmas-themed scarves. "Anyway, at least I don't have a Christmas tree on my sweater, Grandpa."

"I love this sweater," Jon says. Ryan just doesn't know how awesome this sweater is, is the thing. It's comfortable and warm, and that Christmas tree is totally awesome.

"He's missing something," Spencer says. He's staring at the snowman, like he can't really decide what he's missing.

"We should name him," Jon says. Ryan and Spencer look at him like he's crazy. It's a little offensive. "What? We always named our snowmen when I was younger." Ryan and Spencer obviously just don't understand because they never built snowmen back in Vegas.

"We're not naming the snowman," Spencer says. "He's just going to melt tomorrow."

"Oh wait, I know!" Ryan says, running back inside the building before they can say anything. He comes back out a few minutes later, carrying the hat he bought at some resale shop the day before. "I don't really have anything wear with it anyway."

It's the ugliest hat that Jon's ever seen. No one would ever have anything to wear with it, not even Ryan.

"That's not what I meant when I said he was missing something," Spencer says, rolling his eyes.

Ryan is already putting it on top of the snowman's head anyway. As soon as his hand is off the hat, there's a loud pop. Jon jumps back away from the snowman. "Jesus, Ryan, what did you--"

"What?" Jon hears a voice he doesn't recognize. It's definitely not coming from Ryan or Spencer, and there's really not anyone else around. No one but -- "Oh, hey, awesome," the snowman, the fucking snowman says. He's got legs now, actual legs, made of snow, but legs nonetheless, and he's moving them around. "It's been a long time since I could dance. Thanks, guys."

Jon, Ryan and Spencer just stare at him. Him. The snowman is a him. A him who is talking. Jon pinches Ryan.

"Hey!" Ryan says, rubbing at his arm.

"Sorry, I wanted to see if that hurt. If this is a dream, it wouldn't hurt, right?" Jon asks.

"It only works if someone pinches you," Spencer says. Ryan pinches Jon. It hurts.

"Ooookay," The snowman says. "Anyway, I'm Brendon."

"You have a name?" Spencer says. Then he looks at Jon and says, "I told you we didn't have to name him." Jon just shrugs.

"You guys are weird," The snowman, Brendon, says.

"You're a giant, talking snowman," Ryan says. "How can you think we're weird?" It's hard to tell, but Jon thinks Brendon shrugs. It's hard to tell, since his whole torso is really round, and there are no shoulders to speak of.

"How are you talking, anyway?" Spencer says. "Snowmen aren't real."

"I am so real," Brendon says. "You made me. Then you put this hat on me, and," Brendon says, making an elaborate motion with his tiny stick arms, "Voila."

"Really." Ryan stares and reaches for the hat. Jon doesn't think that's a very good idea, and then he realizes that it's a hat and a talking snowman, and nothing really makes sense anyway, so how could it be a bad idea. Jon has no fucking clue what's going on right now. He really needs to be more drunk for this.

"Don't do tha---" Ryan pulls the hat off Brendon's head, and Brendon stops talking, stops moving, stops existing. It's really kind of sad. Jon feels sorry for Brendon. It would really suck to stop existing mid-sentence like that.

"Put it back," Jon says.

"No, dude. This hat is awesome. I wonder if it brings other things to life. Or, like, if we put it on Dylan, would--"

"Dylan's already alive," Spencer says.

"You didn't let me finish," Ryan says. "If we put it on Dylan, would he start talking?"

Jon has to admit. The idea of Dylan being a talking cat is kind of cool, but Brendon was there a second ago and now he's not. "Ryan, you made him stop being alive."

"Yeah, Ryan," Spencer says. "You killed the snowman." Spencer is totally mocking him, which, okay, fair enough.

Ryan sighs and says, "Fine." He puts the hat back on Brendon's head, and there's another loud pop.

"Dude," Brendon says, looking at Ryan. "That was so not cool. Do you know where I go when I'm not here?"

"You're a snowman," Ryan says, like maybe Brendon doesn't know.

"Dude, yeah, I know, but I go," He moves his little stick arms again. "Away. It's, like, the weirdest feeling ever. Have you ever not existed. It's so weird."

"Yeah," Spencer says. "Yeah, okay." He scrunches up his face and then says, "What do snowmen do for fun?"

"Oh, man, I do all kind of things. I love music," Brendon says. "I know how to play guitar." He sounds really pleased with himself, and Jon thinks he would probably be smiling even wider than he is. The smile they put on him in pebbles seems to be his only facial expression.

"You play the guitar?" Ryan says. "That is so awesome. We're sort of a band."

"Sort of?" Brendon says.

"Yeah, well," Ryan says.

They're sort of a band in the way that Ryan sometimes writes a few lyrics on napkins, and Jon and Spencer help him do some things with music, but they just screw around in their apartment or in the diner when they're amped up after seeing a show and not quite tired enough to go home.

"That's so cool. I've always wanted to be in a band," Brendon says, and he starts humming something, Frosty the Snowman, Jon recognizes and starts to laugh.

"You've been alive for like 10 minutes," Spencer says.

"Ten minutes is a long time for a snowman," Brendon says. Jon thinks that's an understatement. Or maybe this happens more than he realizes. Maybe snowmen come to life all the time. "Dude!" Brendon says. "We should do something."

"We can't go inside anywhere, you'll melt," Ryan says.

"Oh, yeah, well," Brendon says. "Maybe we should just sit out here. You guys can tell me about your songs."

"How do you know how to play guitar?" Jon says, suddenly. It dawns on him, and he says, "Your arms are sticks and you don't have fingers."

"You caught that, huh?" Brendon says. "Well, I know how, in theory. It's just really hard to actually put it into practice, you know?" He pauses and then says, "Hey! Let's go for a walk." He starts walking down the street, and then turns and says, "You guys aren't coming?"

They look at each other and then Jon shrugs. He's the first to follow behind Brendon. Ryan and Spencer come right after. They get a lot of stares, walking down the street following after a giant snowman. Especially since that snowman is alternating between singing at the top of his lungs (with a really amazing voice, actually, for a snow man, who has probably never had a lesson) and talking a hundred miles an hour about all kind of things. Music (Brendon apparently loves the Beatles), how much he loves Christmas (it's the only time of year he can come to life) and most of all how he's kind of sad and lonely most of the time, since he's off not existing and everything.

"It's kind of hard, you know. I only get, like, 12 hours a year in total, and then I go away. There's not a lot to do when you're not existing." Jon wonders what it must be like for Brendon, really.

"Maybe we can, like, freeze you or something," Ryan says.

"He won't fit in our freezer." Spencer lets out a sigh.

"Oh, dude, anyway, no. It's the life of a snowman, you know? But it's cool. I totally get to meet so many people. Plus, I know Santa Clause."

"Santa isn't re---" Ryan begins, but Jon jabs him with his elbow. Brendon just laughs.

"Dude, I'm a talking snowman. You believe in a talking snowman but not in Santa? That's awesome. You're hilarious." Brendon says. Ryan sulks.

Jon really likes Brendon. He wishes there were a way to keep him from melting, but even if they could keep him in the freezer, it doesn't seem like a very fun life. Jon knows he'd be bored living in a freezer. Jon suddenly feels very cold.

"My feet are freezing," Jon says.

"Dude," Brendon says, looking down. "Oh man, you're wearing flip flops? I'm a snowman and even I'm not that stupid." Brendon, the talking snowman, is laughing at him. Hysterically.

"I'm from Chicago," Jon says, as an explanation. It's comes out kind of lame though, and he feels stupid. Especially since Brendon doesn't stop laughing.

"Finally," Spencer says, smirking. "Someone says it."

"Can we keep you?" Ryan says, laughter evident in his voice.

Jon pouts, but he wishes they could keep Brendon too.


They've been wandering around Chicago for hours, loitering just outside stores and getting strange looks from everyone. They're walking two by two, Jon and Brendon, with Ryan and Spencer trailing behind them. The streets are crowded and it's not really warming up, but Jon's starting to feel hot just from being constantly surrounded. He feels a drip, drip, drip on his arm and looks down. It's coming from ---

"Brendon," Jon says. "You're-"

"I know," He says calmly. "It happens, you know. This isn't my first time, Jon." Brendon sounds oddly okay with it, considering that he's going to cease to exist soon. "I'll get to come back some day."

"What are you guys whispering about up there?" Ryan says.

"Nothing," Brendon says cheerfully. "We should start back to your building." He turns around, and Jon follows. Ryan and Spencer lead the way back to the building, while Jon and Brendon continue to talk.

"Is it scary?" Jon says.

"Nah," Brendon says. "There was one year where it was kind of scary, but mostly because it was this little boy who I came to life for, and he didn't seem very happy. His parents kind of sucked, and I didn't want to leave him, but, you know, you guys aren't going to have a shitty life without me."

Jon thinks it probably will be kind of shitty now, knowing that Brendon's off somewhere not existing, but he doesn't say that.

The drip, dripping has turned into more of a stream of melting snowman. Melting Brendon. Ryan turns around and notices the trail of water following them and says, "Holy shit, Brendon, you're-"

"Yeah," Brendon says. "Just keep walking."

Ryan starts to say something else but just shrugs and does as Brendon says. It's sort of quite after that. Brendon starts humming to himself, Frosty again, Jon recognizes.

"So, you guys should totally show me your place. I want to see your guitars and stuff before I go," Brendon says. Jon can tell that Ryan's thinking about the mess he's going to have to clean up after Brendon melts all over the carpet.

"Yeah," he says, before Ryan can argue. "Come on."

Ryan starts to say something, but Spencer elbows him and says something in his ear, shaking his head. They go up to the apartment.


Spencer turns down the heat and opens a window as soon as they get up to the apartment to try and stop Brendon from melting as quickly. They get out their guitars and play him a couple of the songs they've been playing with, and when they've gotten through two, Brendon says, "I only have a few minutes left."

Jon, Ryan and Spencer don't say anything. Jon figures there's not a lot to say. Brendon is totally awesome. He's someone they'd probably hang out with if he wasn't a talking snowman. He fits right in with them, and now he's just going to melt away, and it will be like he was never there to begin with.

One of Brendon's stick arms falls off. It'd be hilarious if it wasn't so horrifying. The other one falls, and Jon wants to walk over and put it back, but it seems useless.

"I can't watch this," Ryan says. He walks out of the room, and Spencer follows him.

"You can go too," Brendon says. "I'd understand."

Jon shakes his head and goes to sit on the other end of the couch from Brendon. "So he said let's run and we'll have some fun, now before I--" Brendon stops singing quietly when Jon lets out a strangled laugh. "Too much?" Brendon says.

"Just a little," Jon says, nodding. Brendon doesn't say anything else. Jon closes his eyes, because it turns out he can't watch Brendon melt away either. He doesn't know how long he should wait. Will Brendon still be alive until he's nothing but a puddle on the floor? Does he stop existing when he gets small enough that the hat falls off? Jon decides that if he waits until Ryan and Spencer come to check on him, he'll be okay.

"Holy shit," Brendon says. Brendon says, and Jon opens his eyes and looks over at the snowman, who is actually not a snowman anymore but a guy. A guy about their age at that. And naked, except for Ryan's ugly ass hat and scarf.

"What the --" Jon says.

"I guess I've never melted with whatever magic thing I was wearing still on me. Usually whoever it belonged to comes back and steals it in a hilarious, villainous type of way. This is new." Brendon says, looking at his hands like he doesn't know what to do with them. Which, he probably doesn't.

"It's Ryan's hat," Jon says. "Wait, do you think if we take it off, you'll turn back into a puddle?"

"I don't know. Let's find out." Brendon takes the hat off and tosses it next to him on the couch. "Am I still here?"

"You are," Jon says, grinning. "Ryan, Spencer, get your asses in here!"

Ryan and Spencer come into the room and stare at Brendon, then at Jon, then back at Brendon. "Why is there a naked guy on our couch?" Spencer says.

"We should find you clothes," Jon says.

"But snowmen don't wear clothes. That's going to be an adjustment," Brendon says. "Oh well, I guess I'll have to go shopping. Oh, do you know what we should do guys?"

"What's that?" Jon says.

"We could totally start a band," Brendon says.

Jon thinks that's an awesome idea. Ryan and Spencer look at at each other with raised eyebrows and then Ryan says, "Well, if you can prove that you actually know the guitar, sure."

"Guys," Spencer says. "Let's get him some clothes first."

I don't think I'm going to xpost this, but it's unlocked? idk. Maybe.
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my sweetest downfall

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