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ohnoitsshirleyRead Part 1 Here.
Read Part 2 Here.
Author: TopazAngel
Title: Everything Falls Apart 3/?
Rating: R (not in this chapter, but will be by the end)
Word count: 1716
Fandom: Angel
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Cordelia/Lindsey, Cordelia/Angel, (Angel/Darla, Lindsey/Darla Implied)
Spoilers: None
Timeline: Before ‘Offspring,’ after ‘Billy’
Teaser: As Cordelia’s visions worsen, Darla comes back with a surprise. Cordelia has no choice but to confide in an outsider who just happens back in town.
Distribution: My C/L site, CCF.net, anyone else ask and you can have. Just leave my name on it.
Feedback: Please?
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss, David, ME, and all those names that you all should know by now.
Dedication: Tonnie for A) being my C/L partner in crime B) Encouraging me to do this C) Being Cordy to my Lindsey. Sigh. D) For always reading over my stuff in IM so that I know it doesn’t suck *before* I post.
Additional Notes: Yes this is a WiP, but its not like my other WiPs. I actually have it planned in my head, and I know exactly where it is going. I believe in all honesty this fic is going to be some of my best writing to date, and I don't compliment myself often, so I would really like to know what you think.
Cordelia walked slowly. She was just lucky it wasn’t dark this time. She would be prime choice for any vamps and demons at the pace she was moving. She continued to rub at her temples.
She hated this. She knew was doing good. Helping the helpless. But she couldn’t take it much longer. Her body wouldn’t take it much longer.
She fumbled for her keys. Of course she couldn’t find them.
“Damn it!” she cursed out loud.
Part of her hoped Lindsey hadn’t gone yet. She began to bang on the door. She called for Dennis first, but nothing. She assumed he had some random music blasting.
“Dennis! Open then damn door!” she banged loudly, “Gaaah!” she screamed, and rubbed at her temples again. She needed her medication. It wouldn’t take the pain away, but it would make it less, if only for a while.
The door swung open.
“Cordelia?”
“Lindsey. I thought I told you to be gone when I got here.”
“You did. You were only gone for an hour. I thought I had a little more time,” he glanced over her slowly, “are you alright?”
“Why the hell do people keep asking me that?” she said pushing past him into the apartment, “Do you wanna know if I’m fine? Because I could tell you what I tell them. I could tell you I’m perfect. That the visions don’t feel like my head is being ripped open. That every time I have one it gets worse. That I don’t know how much longer I can do it. Do you want to hear that?” she looked up at him, a small tear forming at the corner of the eye.
She didn’t know why she had said that. It all came rushing out. She regretted it. But she knew she couldn’t take it back.
“Cordelia,” he whispered her name, moving closer to her, “I don’t, I mean,” he paused, “why don’t you tell them?”
“I can’t,” she looked down, frowning, “this is what I do. I help people, and if Angel knows it’s killing me, he’ll find a way to stop it. And they need me.”
“Killing you? Cordelia, do you realize what you are saying? You are obviously in constant pain here. Why don’t you let them try to help you?”
“Because I…”she trailed off, “why the hell am I talking to you about this?” she snapped, “Get the hell out.”
“Cordelia, you obviously need to talk to someone about this,” he moved to place a hand on her shoulder.
“Out! I don’t need to talk to anyone! I’m okay! Peachy keen even! Now leave! I don’t want you here!”
He frowned deeply.
“If that’s what you want.”
“It is,” she said coldly.
He nodded and turned to leave.
“Lindsey wait!” she called back to him.
He stopped and turned back towards her.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want to be alone,” she said weekly.
He nodded and walked back over to stand next to her.
“Then I won’t leave.”
*****
Lindsey sat on the couch and watched as Cordelia went about her normal routine. She had gone into the bathroom, taken the prescription pain pills the doctors had assured her were the strongest available on the market, and walked back into the main room.
And she was just sitting. Not saying much. Lindsey imagined she wasn’t in the mood. And he didn’t want to press the issue.
He still didn’t understand what had made her tell him what she already had. He just assumed it was all the things she wanted to say to them, but thought she couldn’t.
Yet another thing he didn’t understand. Given the circumstances, he would have broken down and asked for help. Begged for the visions to be gone.
She was strong. He could tell. She didn’t want to crumble. She knew what she had to do, and did it.
Unlike him. He was weak. Always had been.
He suddenly held an admiration for her. She was aged. At twenty years old, she looked as if she was pushing thirty at least. She was worn out and obviously needed to take a break.
But she didn’t. And all because they needed her.
She was brave.
“Lindsey,” she said, breaking the silence.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry,” she said, never looking up at him.
“What? Why are you sorry?”
“That I asked you to stay here with me. I shouldn’t expect that. You don’t even know me. I just--Its hard.”
“Its alright Cordelia,” he smiled sadly.
“Its just, I feel like, ugh! I can’t explain it. And tomorrow? Tomorrow it will happen all over again. And I get so tired of it. Only now its worse. Because I’ll go into tomorrow and it will be all about Darla and her Miracle Baby. And I’ll have to sit there and watch everyone scramble to figure this out. And I can’t do that,” she didn’t want to tell him any of this.
It was almost like she wasn’t even talking to him. She was just talking to say it. So that it wasn’t floating around in her brain. She just needed to get it all out. And he happened to be there.
“Maybe it won’t,” he offered reassuringly.
She smiled sadly, finally looking up at him.
“You obviously don’t know Angel very well. It goes something like this. Blonde comes into the picture, or back into the picture as the case may be, and Angel becomes this broody ball of mess. He mopes. He hides. He swears there is nothing going on, that he isn’t obsessing. But he is. And then one day, she becomes more important than anything else in his life,” she nodded slowly, “Yeah, that’s how it works. Angel never changes. And this? This whole baby thing? It just adds onto the brooding ball of mess. Because now there is more than just a girl. There is a baby. Or a demon. Or something. And he has to know what,” she shook her head, “I really need to learn when to shut up.”
“Its really okay. You need to talk. Talk,” Lindsey said, trying to make her feel better.
He wasn’t naïve enough to think he wasn’t the last person she wanted to be here talking to. But if he could be there, he wanted to be.
“Thank you Lindsey. I know you probably don’t want to be here right now. And honestly? I didn’t really want you here, but thanks all the same.”
He nodded.
“Ow,” she rubbed at her forehead, “This is really getting old!” she shouted up at the ceiling, “damn powers that be.”
He thought of asking how she was, but he could tell she was tired of that. Almost as much as she was tired of the visions themselves.
“Here,” he stood, and held out his hand for her to take, “You should get some sleep.”
She nodded, and took his hand, pulling herself up.
He walked her to the room and made sure she got to sleep okay. He watched her for a while, making sure she didn’t wake up in pain. He wasn’t quite sure how it all worked. How it effected her.
She tossed and turned. A lot.
After awhile, he allowed himself to fall asleep in the chair, but he didn’t leave the room that night.
*****
Cordelia walked into the office the next morning refreshed. She had a smile on her face. It wasn’t because she was happy to be there. But she had gotten things off her chest, and that was enough.
“Well, it seems someone is feeling a bit better today,” Wesley said, smiling at her.
“I am. I guess I just needed a good nights sleep or something. So did you guys get to the girl in time?”
“Hell yeah, and we kicked some demon ass too,” Gunn smiled at her.
“That’s great. Where’s Angel?” She asked, peeking around the office. She didn’t know why she asked. She already had a pretty good idea.
“He’s upstairs with Darla. She wasn’t feeling well this morning,” Wesley told her.
“Great, first a pregnant vampire, and now she has morning sickness too,” Cordelia rolled her eyes, “we are all aware that she’s still evil, right?” she asked.
“Cordelia, this is important. We need to find out--”
“I know. I know. It’s a miracle. I get it,” she said with a hint of annoyance in her voice, “jeez, I’m sorry I said anything!”
“Cordelia,” Wesley sighed heavily, “I know you don’t like this. Darla was the reason for a lot of the problems we had last year, but we can’t just turn her away.”
“And why not?” she yelled, “Come on Wesley! You know as well as me, that thing, whatever it is, can’t be human. Its Darla and Angel! So why do we even care! We are supposed to fight evil! Not help it!”
“That thing,” Cordelia heard from behind her, “whatever it is, good or evil, is my child. And if you can’t understand that, maybe you should leave.”
“Oh come on Angel,” she turned around, angry look on her face, “You know as well as I that whatever this is has nothing to do with that thing growing inside of Darla. It has to do with Darla.”
“So this is why you’ve been acting strange these past few days? Its because of her?”
“Damn straight its because of her! Do you not remember the hell that was a year ago? When you tossed us away like we were nothing? Because of that bitch!?” Cordelia knew she had gone too far, but she didn’t care.
“Out.”
“What? You can’t kick me out! Wesley is the boss here! Not you!”
“Wesley.”
“Cordelia,” he frowned deeply, “I think its best that you go. I don’t like this anymore than you, but we have to figure this out, and if you don’t understand that, you shouldn’t be here.”
“Wesley! You can’t do this!” She yelled, “have you all gone crazy? Do you not remember why we’re here? Helping the helpless! Ring any bells?” she stopped, pausing for a moment, and nodded, “Right. That doesn’t matter. Not anymore. You know what? I don’t want to be here anyway,” she spun on her heal and walked out of the hotel.
If they didn’t care, neither did she.
Read Part 2 Here.
Author: TopazAngel
Title: Everything Falls Apart 3/?
Rating: R (not in this chapter, but will be by the end)
Word count: 1716
Fandom: Angel
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Cordelia/Lindsey, Cordelia/Angel, (Angel/Darla, Lindsey/Darla Implied)
Spoilers: None
Timeline: Before ‘Offspring,’ after ‘Billy’
Teaser: As Cordelia’s visions worsen, Darla comes back with a surprise. Cordelia has no choice but to confide in an outsider who just happens back in town.
Distribution: My C/L site, CCF.net, anyone else ask and you can have. Just leave my name on it.
Feedback: Please?
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss, David, ME, and all those names that you all should know by now.
Dedication: Tonnie for A) being my C/L partner in crime B) Encouraging me to do this C) Being Cordy to my Lindsey. Sigh. D) For always reading over my stuff in IM so that I know it doesn’t suck *before* I post.
Additional Notes: Yes this is a WiP, but its not like my other WiPs. I actually have it planned in my head, and I know exactly where it is going. I believe in all honesty this fic is going to be some of my best writing to date, and I don't compliment myself often, so I would really like to know what you think.
Cordelia walked slowly. She was just lucky it wasn’t dark this time. She would be prime choice for any vamps and demons at the pace she was moving. She continued to rub at her temples.
She hated this. She knew was doing good. Helping the helpless. But she couldn’t take it much longer. Her body wouldn’t take it much longer.
She fumbled for her keys. Of course she couldn’t find them.
“Damn it!” she cursed out loud.
Part of her hoped Lindsey hadn’t gone yet. She began to bang on the door. She called for Dennis first, but nothing. She assumed he had some random music blasting.
“Dennis! Open then damn door!” she banged loudly, “Gaaah!” she screamed, and rubbed at her temples again. She needed her medication. It wouldn’t take the pain away, but it would make it less, if only for a while.
The door swung open.
“Cordelia?”
“Lindsey. I thought I told you to be gone when I got here.”
“You did. You were only gone for an hour. I thought I had a little more time,” he glanced over her slowly, “are you alright?”
“Why the hell do people keep asking me that?” she said pushing past him into the apartment, “Do you wanna know if I’m fine? Because I could tell you what I tell them. I could tell you I’m perfect. That the visions don’t feel like my head is being ripped open. That every time I have one it gets worse. That I don’t know how much longer I can do it. Do you want to hear that?” she looked up at him, a small tear forming at the corner of the eye.
She didn’t know why she had said that. It all came rushing out. She regretted it. But she knew she couldn’t take it back.
“Cordelia,” he whispered her name, moving closer to her, “I don’t, I mean,” he paused, “why don’t you tell them?”
“I can’t,” she looked down, frowning, “this is what I do. I help people, and if Angel knows it’s killing me, he’ll find a way to stop it. And they need me.”
“Killing you? Cordelia, do you realize what you are saying? You are obviously in constant pain here. Why don’t you let them try to help you?”
“Because I…”she trailed off, “why the hell am I talking to you about this?” she snapped, “Get the hell out.”
“Cordelia, you obviously need to talk to someone about this,” he moved to place a hand on her shoulder.
“Out! I don’t need to talk to anyone! I’m okay! Peachy keen even! Now leave! I don’t want you here!”
He frowned deeply.
“If that’s what you want.”
“It is,” she said coldly.
He nodded and turned to leave.
“Lindsey wait!” she called back to him.
He stopped and turned back towards her.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want to be alone,” she said weekly.
He nodded and walked back over to stand next to her.
“Then I won’t leave.”
*****
Lindsey sat on the couch and watched as Cordelia went about her normal routine. She had gone into the bathroom, taken the prescription pain pills the doctors had assured her were the strongest available on the market, and walked back into the main room.
And she was just sitting. Not saying much. Lindsey imagined she wasn’t in the mood. And he didn’t want to press the issue.
He still didn’t understand what had made her tell him what she already had. He just assumed it was all the things she wanted to say to them, but thought she couldn’t.
Yet another thing he didn’t understand. Given the circumstances, he would have broken down and asked for help. Begged for the visions to be gone.
She was strong. He could tell. She didn’t want to crumble. She knew what she had to do, and did it.
Unlike him. He was weak. Always had been.
He suddenly held an admiration for her. She was aged. At twenty years old, she looked as if she was pushing thirty at least. She was worn out and obviously needed to take a break.
But she didn’t. And all because they needed her.
She was brave.
“Lindsey,” she said, breaking the silence.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry,” she said, never looking up at him.
“What? Why are you sorry?”
“That I asked you to stay here with me. I shouldn’t expect that. You don’t even know me. I just--Its hard.”
“Its alright Cordelia,” he smiled sadly.
“Its just, I feel like, ugh! I can’t explain it. And tomorrow? Tomorrow it will happen all over again. And I get so tired of it. Only now its worse. Because I’ll go into tomorrow and it will be all about Darla and her Miracle Baby. And I’ll have to sit there and watch everyone scramble to figure this out. And I can’t do that,” she didn’t want to tell him any of this.
It was almost like she wasn’t even talking to him. She was just talking to say it. So that it wasn’t floating around in her brain. She just needed to get it all out. And he happened to be there.
“Maybe it won’t,” he offered reassuringly.
She smiled sadly, finally looking up at him.
“You obviously don’t know Angel very well. It goes something like this. Blonde comes into the picture, or back into the picture as the case may be, and Angel becomes this broody ball of mess. He mopes. He hides. He swears there is nothing going on, that he isn’t obsessing. But he is. And then one day, she becomes more important than anything else in his life,” she nodded slowly, “Yeah, that’s how it works. Angel never changes. And this? This whole baby thing? It just adds onto the brooding ball of mess. Because now there is more than just a girl. There is a baby. Or a demon. Or something. And he has to know what,” she shook her head, “I really need to learn when to shut up.”
“Its really okay. You need to talk. Talk,” Lindsey said, trying to make her feel better.
He wasn’t naïve enough to think he wasn’t the last person she wanted to be here talking to. But if he could be there, he wanted to be.
“Thank you Lindsey. I know you probably don’t want to be here right now. And honestly? I didn’t really want you here, but thanks all the same.”
He nodded.
“Ow,” she rubbed at her forehead, “This is really getting old!” she shouted up at the ceiling, “damn powers that be.”
He thought of asking how she was, but he could tell she was tired of that. Almost as much as she was tired of the visions themselves.
“Here,” he stood, and held out his hand for her to take, “You should get some sleep.”
She nodded, and took his hand, pulling herself up.
He walked her to the room and made sure she got to sleep okay. He watched her for a while, making sure she didn’t wake up in pain. He wasn’t quite sure how it all worked. How it effected her.
She tossed and turned. A lot.
After awhile, he allowed himself to fall asleep in the chair, but he didn’t leave the room that night.
*****
Cordelia walked into the office the next morning refreshed. She had a smile on her face. It wasn’t because she was happy to be there. But she had gotten things off her chest, and that was enough.
“Well, it seems someone is feeling a bit better today,” Wesley said, smiling at her.
“I am. I guess I just needed a good nights sleep or something. So did you guys get to the girl in time?”
“Hell yeah, and we kicked some demon ass too,” Gunn smiled at her.
“That’s great. Where’s Angel?” She asked, peeking around the office. She didn’t know why she asked. She already had a pretty good idea.
“He’s upstairs with Darla. She wasn’t feeling well this morning,” Wesley told her.
“Great, first a pregnant vampire, and now she has morning sickness too,” Cordelia rolled her eyes, “we are all aware that she’s still evil, right?” she asked.
“Cordelia, this is important. We need to find out--”
“I know. I know. It’s a miracle. I get it,” she said with a hint of annoyance in her voice, “jeez, I’m sorry I said anything!”
“Cordelia,” Wesley sighed heavily, “I know you don’t like this. Darla was the reason for a lot of the problems we had last year, but we can’t just turn her away.”
“And why not?” she yelled, “Come on Wesley! You know as well as me, that thing, whatever it is, can’t be human. Its Darla and Angel! So why do we even care! We are supposed to fight evil! Not help it!”
“That thing,” Cordelia heard from behind her, “whatever it is, good or evil, is my child. And if you can’t understand that, maybe you should leave.”
“Oh come on Angel,” she turned around, angry look on her face, “You know as well as I that whatever this is has nothing to do with that thing growing inside of Darla. It has to do with Darla.”
“So this is why you’ve been acting strange these past few days? Its because of her?”
“Damn straight its because of her! Do you not remember the hell that was a year ago? When you tossed us away like we were nothing? Because of that bitch!?” Cordelia knew she had gone too far, but she didn’t care.
“Out.”
“What? You can’t kick me out! Wesley is the boss here! Not you!”
“Wesley.”
“Cordelia,” he frowned deeply, “I think its best that you go. I don’t like this anymore than you, but we have to figure this out, and if you don’t understand that, you shouldn’t be here.”
“Wesley! You can’t do this!” She yelled, “have you all gone crazy? Do you not remember why we’re here? Helping the helpless! Ring any bells?” she stopped, pausing for a moment, and nodded, “Right. That doesn’t matter. Not anymore. You know what? I don’t want to be here anyway,” she spun on her heal and walked out of the hotel.
If they didn’t care, neither did she.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-13 09:21 pm (UTC)Dickweeds *eyes them*
*huggles this and keeps eying them*
no subject
Date: 2004-03-13 09:24 pm (UTC)Evil. Evil I tell you.
I'm glad you are liking the ficcage though!
no subject
Date: 2004-03-14 03:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-14 10:33 am (UTC)Rakel xxx
no subject
Date: 2004-03-14 10:35 am (UTC)Rakel xxx
no subject
Date: 2004-03-14 04:33 pm (UTC)You're an ass.
Angel? Repeatedly, you have shown that you can be a dick. In Toppie's head? You are no different you big-assed freak.
Lindsey? Keep being nice.
Toppie? Keep writing.
*nods* I'm done. You are not. Write. Now.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-15 02:19 pm (UTC)