fic: give me a moment, jon/brendon, r, au
May. 3rd, 2009 06:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ohnoitsshirleyGive Me a Moment
The story of two boys, sleepovers, crushes, one tiny gay crisis and lots of making out.
Jon/Brendon, high school au, r, 9442 words
Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ericaplease for the awesome beta job. This fic would probably suck without her telling me to fix things. Title stolen shamelessly from Charlotte Sometimes. Warning: underaged sort-of porn, non-famous family members, cuteness. The sleepover twitter happened, I went to write random sleepover makeouts, and this happened instead. Sorry.
I disclaim. This is not real. This never happened. This is all an illusion. If you're in this, I apologize.
Brendon gets out of band practice a little later than usual because someone in the woodwind section kept fucking up on their timing. He's mostly just annoyed because he's got this huge project for history due tomorrow, and Jon is supposed to be coming over to work on it. He flips open the phone that his parents gave him for emergencies only --because this is totally an emergency-- to text Jon and let him know that he's on his way home. Brendon's only fifteen. He doesn't have a license yet, and the bus is long gone. Luckily it's not that far of a walk, and even though Jon will beat him there, he shouldn't be stuck with Brendon's mom for too long.
Brendon gets a reply from Jon almost right away. its cool havnt left yet. my parents said its cool if i spend the night! :) Brendon types in a quick response and continues home. Usually the rule is no friends over on a school night, especially not to spend the night, but he figures that since the project is due tomorrow, they should be okay with it. Besides, Brendon's mom thinks Jon is just "the nicest boy."
Jon actually plays in little garage bands and drinks and smokes pot. He hangs around with a lot of people that Brendon thinks his mom wouldn't like at all, but Brendon's not going to tell her that. He really likes Jon, and he'd hate for his parents to have to tell him they thought Jon was a bad influence. Except for Jon, Brendon doesn't actually have a lot of friends. He knows the people in band, and there are some kids he talks to at school, but mostly everyone thinks he's kind of lame.
After Brendon gets home and his mom grills him about why he was late for a good fifteen minutes, he drops his bag in his room and goes back downstairs. "By the way, Jon might spend the night," Brendon says. His mom is making pot roast with carrots and potatoes. Jon loves pot roast. Brendon suspects that's why his mom is making it.
"Brendon, you know the rules," his mom says. "It's a school night, and no guests--"
"After nine on a school night, I know. But we have this huge project due tomorrow, and it's, like, fifty percent of our grade or something." It's five percent of their grade. "We might have to work pretty late, and you don't want Jon driving home when he's tired, do you? He might crash." Brendon knows it's overdramatic, but he knows how to win an argument with his mom, and this is his strategy.
She sighs, shaking her head. "Okay, fine, but just this once," she says, and then, "And you two have to be in bed at a decent hour."
"Yes, ma'am," Brendon says. He hears a car pull into the driveway and knows it's Jon because Jon's car is old and loud and needs a lot of work, but it's the only car he could afford. That makes it an awesome car. Brendon waits for Jon to walk up the porch and ring the bell before going to open the door.
"Let's go put your books in my room, and then we can set the table," Brendon says. He usually tries to get out of setting the table, but his mom is doing him a favor by letting Jon stay, so he doesn't argue about it.
+
"This is so boring," Brendon says. They've been upstairs working on their project for a good half hour already, and they haven't made very much progress. Mostly because they keep getting sidetracked.
"We've barely started," Jon says. "Your mom wants us in bed by eleven, too, so we can't keep getting distracted. Hey, if we finish soon, maybe we can even talk about the band." Jon and Brendon have Plans. Brendon's a pretty awesome bass player, and Jon is good at guitar, and he can sing. He's got a couple friends who know some things, too, and they're going to try to work something out over the summer. Brendon hasn't told his parents yet because he's not entirely sure they're going to go for it.
"Oh, awesome. Did you talk to Tom?" Tom was Jon's best friend in Chicago, until Jon moved to Vegas last year. He's already got this band going that's pretty awesome. He sends Jon their stuff sometimes, and Jon plays it for Brendon.
"After we finish. Come on, Brendon. We have to finish this," Jon says. It's pretty bad when Jon is harping on it because he is a notorious procrastinator.
"Okay, okay," Brendon says. They spend the next two hours talking about nothing but The Civil War and the Battle of Gettysburg. It's really boring.
+
It's around ten when they finally finish all of their work, and the pages are printed out with the proper heading and a cover page in the perfect font. They put it in Jon's backpack so that there's no way they'll forget it in the morning. Once they get changed and ready for bed, they crawl into Brendon's little twin bed together and pull up the covers. Neither one of them is really big, but it's still a tight fit for two growing teenaged boys.
"So, about this band thing," Brendon says. "Last time we decided that I was going to play bass, because I'm awesome."
Jon laughs and says, "That you are, Bden. That you are." They lie silent for a few seconds before Jon continues, "It's going to be great. We're going to find a singer and a drummer, and then we'll write awesome songs and tour the world."
"I can't wait," Brendon says. He's itching to do more than just sit around Vegas. Brendon's parents have plans for him. He doesn't know how to tell him that what they want isn't what he wants. Brendon's never even told his brothers and sisters. Only Jon knows.
"We should have auditions," Brendon says. "I know there are some guys in band who'd probably be down for it."
"Hm," Jon says. "Yeah, maybe." And then, "I think I know a couple of guys who might be down. Sometimes they're in this other band, but who knows this week." Jon always knows a couple of guys. Or a couple of girls. Jon knows a lot of people. Brendon suspects he has ties to some pretty awesome people back in Chicago, just from things he's said, but Brendon doesn't want to come right out and ask Jon if he knows Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy or anything stupid and lame like that.
"Cool, you should ask them," Brendon says.
"Well, we'd probably have to shift our roles a little, though. Spencer is a drummer, and a damn good one, but Ryan really just knows guitar. I mean, he could sing, but--" Jon snorts softly and then says, "I'd probably be a better choice for that, and I'm terrible!"
"You're not a bad singer," Brendon says. "Hey, you could take bass, Ryan on guitar, and I could play piano. Keyboard. Whatever." Brendon's been playing the piano for most of his life. He hadn't really wanted the lessons at first; it was just something his mom wanted him to learn, but once he'd learned piano, Brendon couldn't stop wanting to learn new instruments. He gets pretty bored of some of them pretty fast, so he can kind of play a lot of things, but really only piano and guitar well.
"Hm," Jon says, thoughtfully. "That doesn't sound like a bad idea." He grins and adds, "You're a smart dude, Brendon Urie."
"I like to think so," Brendon says. He lies there for a moment, thinking about how great it's going to be when this happens because it is going to happen. There's no doubt in his mind that it is.
"We're gonna be awesome," Jon says quietly.
Brendon nods his agreement, and then says, "I wonder how my parents are gonna take the news."
Jon rolls onto his side, facing Brendon now, and says, "They are going to be so fucking proud, dude. Because we're gonna make awesome music and play to sold out crowds everywhere." Somehow Brendon isn't sure that his mom and dad are going to see it that way. He wishes he could believe it.
Brendon turns to face Jon. "Maybe," he says. "They're pretty set in their ways. They have plans for me." All of his brothers and sisters had followed The Plans, and Brendon didn't really think he was going to end up being any different. But Brendon would be happy with just Jon and this band that doesn't exist yet.
"Lies," Jon says. He's talking in sleepy, hushed tones now, and Brendon can tell that his eyes are drooping even though it's too dark to see. "Just wait," Jon says. "It's gonna be awesome.
"I think you said that already," Brendon says. He's not really entirely sure what happens next, but Jon's suddenly closer than he was a second ago, muttering, "Mm, I did," and then his lips are pressed to Brendon's. Brendon's first instinct is to push Jon away and tell him to leave because that is Wrong. But Jon's lips are soft and wet, and Brendon ends up kissing him back instead of pushing him away because it's really, really nice.
Brendon's only ever kissed one person before. It was Lydia Martin, during the summer between 8th and 9th grade, and it wasn't very good. They'd bumped noses, and it had been a lot wetter than Brendon was expecting. He ended up biting her lip really hard, and then she slapped him and went home. It had been pretty humiliating.
Kissing Jon isn't anything like that. Jon pulls back a little, more awake and alert now. He looks at Brendon as if he's looking for an answer to some unspoken question, like he's looking for permission. In response, Brendon pushes back into his space, kissing him again. This time, it's more then just a press of lips. Brendon almost panics when he feels Jon's mouth open, but he does the same and it's a little weird at first, feeling Jon's tongue in his mouth, but a really good kind of weird. Brendon thinks he could probably get used to this.
The biggest problem now is that Brendon doesn't really know what to do with his free hand, the one that's not trapped under his own weight. It's kind of awkwardly lying there, so he starts playing with the hem of Jon's t-shirt. Jon moves his hand to the back of Brendon's head and starts playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He pulls away from Brendon.
"Wow," Jon says, barely a whisper.
"Yeah." Brendon breathes out. He's surprised he even made a sound. "I don't really know where that came from."
"I think I'm the one who should be saying that," Jon says. "We should go to sleep."
"Yeah," Brendon says. "Okay, yeah." But he doesn't actually think he'll be able to sleep.
+
The next morning is kind of awkward. Brendon didn't know what to say to Jon, and it seemed like Jon didn't know what to say to him either. Which, Brendon knows, is at least true of himself. Brendon made out a little bit with his best friend -- his best friend who is a boy -- and he doesn't really know how to process that. They get dressed in silence, and then they go downstairs. Brendon's mom has made pancakes and bacon, and she won't let them leave for school without eating first.
They don't say anything the entire time. Brendon's mom keeps looking back and forth between them, and then sending Brendon little looks that say, "We'll talk later." Brendon doesn't think he's going to be talking about this with his mom. In fact, he's sure he's not going to be talking about this with his mom.
After saying goodbye to Brendon's mom, they walk to Jon's car together. Once inside, Brendon makes a really valiant effort to look straight ahead. He doesn't feel too bad because Jon seems to be doing the same thing. The music is on really quietly. Brendon is not fond of the awkward silence, so he turns up the classic rock station and listens to She's So Heavy -- but he doesn't sing along. Singing along would feel too much like talking.
When they get to school, Jon and Brendon go their separate ways for first period and only see each other again in third, when they have to present their project. Even then, they only say what they need to. At lunch, Brendon doesn't meet Jon out in the quad like he usually does. He finds an empty table in the cafeteria instead, content to eat by himself, but it doesn't work out that way because Jon comes to find him. He doesn't say anything, only gestures to the door until Brendon nods and reluctantly follows him outside into the quad. They end up stopping behind some trees where no one else is around.
"Look, about last night," Jon says. His voice hitches and he says, "I--" Then nothing. Brendon's not sure if it's because Jon doesn't know what to say or because he does know but thinks he shouldn't say it.
"No worries," Brendon says. "Never happened, okay?" He forces a smile. "I mean, things happen, right?"
"Yeah," Jon says. Jon doesn't look relieved, but when he says, "Totally," and smiles back, Brendon takes it as a sign. And if Jon's smile seems a little forced, Brendon ignores it.
If Brendon wants to kiss Jon again, behind these trees, in the middle of the school day, he ignores that too.
+
Brendon usually gets a ride home from Jon on Fridays because there's no band practice, but Jon's already gone by the time he gets out to the parking lot. Brendon walks home. He figures Jon probably has a good reason for leaving him -- maybe he forgot it was Friday or something. Brendon tells himself it's definitely not because they kissed because that would be stupid, and Jon isn't usually stupid. Brendon's mom is just pulling into the drive way when he walks up. She says, "No ride from Jon today?"
"He had some errands to run," Brendon says. "Anyway, I have some work to do." He does have some homework, but he's probably not going to get it done on a Friday afternoon. He just really wants an excuse not to talk to his mom about Jon. Not that there's really anything to say. Brendon feels like maybe she would be able to tell that Brendon's done something she wouldn't approve of, and Brendon doesn't want to deal with the guilt.
Brendon goes upstairs, throws his backpack down, and falls back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He makes himself a little dizzy, watching the ceiling fan spin around and around. He closes his eyes, blinks a couple of times and then sits up. Brendon kind of wishes his parents would let him have a TV in his room because Brendon could really use some mindless entertainment right now. He turns on the radio instead. The DJ is talking about some pop princess and whether she was seen making out with her current flavor of the week. Brendon really couldn't care less, but he leaves the radio on because it's a welcome distraction from everything that's going on in his head.
Brendon sits back down on the edge of the bed and takes his phone out of his pocket. He flips through his contact list until he gets to Jon, hovers there for a moment, and then flips the phone closed again. He could probably call Kyla. She was always good at keeping secrets when his other siblings had them, but this is so different from anything any of Brendon's brothers and sisters had ever done. This is definitely wrong in more ways than just breaking the house rules.
Brendon falls back on his bed. He doesn't mean to fall asleep -- he just doesn't want to think about it anymore. When he opens his eyes it's to the musical stylings of Britney Spears -- Jon's ringtone, because Brendon knew it pissed him off. Brendon reaches for his phone, but by the time he gets to it, the ringing has stopped. Whatever it is that Jon needs, he'll probably leave a message, and maybe Brendon won't delete it without listening to it.
He'll probably listen to it before he deletes it.
Brendon doesn't have time to do anything, though, because his mom calls him down for dinner. He wipes his eyes so that it doesn't look like he's been asleep and goes downstairs. Hopefully his mom won't ask him about Jon again.
+
It's Saturday afternoon by the time Brendon actually listens to Jon's message. He hovers over the voicemail button a dozen times before then, but he never actually manages to go through with it. He almost deletes the message twice without listening to it, but he can't bring himself to do it. When Brendon finally does call his voicemail, the woman on the end of the line tells him politely that he has one missed call, and then Jon's voice comes over the line, quiet and far away: "Hey, so, sorry I left you hanging today. I had to go do something for my mom, but I'll totally make it up to you. We'll hang out, okay?"
Brendon suspects from Jon's tone that he didn't actually have anything to do for his mom. He tosses the phone onto the bed, and digs out his homework.
Jon doesn't call again for the rest of the weekend, and he doesn't send any texts. Neither does Brendon.
+
Brendon and Jon avoid each other on Monday. Well, Jon mostly avoids Brendon and Brendon just doesn't do anything to stop it. Tuesday -- and all the way through Friday -- is more of the same. On Friday, Brendon is ready to walk home alone because he assumes Jon's going to leave him again. Jon's ignored him all week; Brendon's assuming today won't be any different.
But Jon is leaning against his rusty old car in the parking lot with his sunglasses on, waiting for Brendon. "Get in," he says. Brendon does. Jon turns the radio on, louder than usual, and sings along to a song Brendon's never heard before. He gets halfway to Brendon's house and stops in a parking lot of a convenience store.
"Okay," Jon says. "Sorry, this is dumb." He turns to look at Brendon and continues, "Don't you think this is dumb?"
"It depends on what 'this' you're talking about," Brendon says, pointedly not looking at Jon.
"The whole avoiding each other thing," Jon says. "It's really dumb. I probably started it and I'm sorry. Now let's just go back to the original plan."
"What was the original plan?" Brendon asks. He hopes that kissing wasn't the original plan, because he's pretty sure his neighbor is watching them as she pumps her gas.
"Pretending it didn't happen," Jon says. "You know the -- whatever."
"Oh," Brendon says. "Oh, yeah. Totally." He nods and finally looks at Jon, smiling. "Never happened."
The part of Brendon that isn't completely relieved nothing else is going to come of it doesn't really like this plan.
+
Brendon's mom is happy to see that Jon and Brendon are speaking again. She completely embarrasses Brendon by telling Jon that Brendon's been moping around all week. Jon grins, probably because he's coming up with different ways to mock Brendon about it when they're alone. Then his mom says, "Are you staying over, Jon?" because Jon usually stays over a lot on Fridays, or Brendon stays over at his place -- whichever is easiest -- but it all seems kind of weird now.
"Uhm, Jon," Brendon says. At the same time, Jon says, "Yes ma'am, if that's alright. I just need to call my mom and dad and let them know."
Brendon doesn't really know how he feels about this situation, but Jon seems happy, so Brendon smiles and says nothing. They're pretending that whole making out thing didn't happen anyway, so this won't be awkward unless they let it be -- and Brendon is determined not to let it be.
+
"So, I talked to Ryan," Jon says. "It seems that he and Spencer are between bands right now." He goes into some complicated story about how Ryan got into a fight with Trevor, whoever that is, and Brent took his side, and they broke up for the third time this year, even though it's only March. "So we should make a plan to meet up next weekend. I swear, you'll really love them."
"Yeah, cool," Brendon says. He's making an effort to seem a lot less excited than he really is. This is kind of his dream, and it might actually be coming true. Then something clicks inside Brendon's head and he says, "Wait, so, are you only talking to me again because we might have this band now?"
"What?" Jon looks surprised. "That's stupid, Brendon. You're my friend. Do you really think that's what this is about?"
"No," Brendon says. "I guess not. It's just that you kind of avoided me for a whole week and everything, and you left me at school last Friday."
"I told you, I had to --" Brendon holds up a hand, cutting Jon off, and says, "I know, you had to do something for your mom." Brendon still doesn't really believe it, especially with the way that Jon is looking at his feet and not at Brendon.
"Whatever. Hey, let's listen to a CD," Brendon says, changing the subject.
"Yeah, okay," Jon says, somewhat mollified. "Hey, I got Tom's CD in the mail." He pulls it out of his backpack. "Here, we can listen to this."
"I can't believe your best friend actually has a CD."
"I know, it's so cool," Jon says. "This is gonna be us, you know. We'll have an actual CD with cover art and songs that we recorded."
"Yeah," Brendon says. Tom's band is pretty decent, for a few kids that are just sort of messing around. It's not really the kind of music that Jon and Brendon want to play, but it's good. He likes it. "Man, an actual CD. I can't even believe it."
Brendon and Jon are sitting close on Brendon's floor, next to the stereo. Jon's sitting Indian style with his shoes long forgotten, and Brendon's sitting on his feet, legs bent at the knees, sort of bouncing.
"So," Jon says. "Did you see that we got a B on our project?" He grins at Brendon.
"Yep," Brendon says. "Because we're awesome. And we did the whole thing in a few hours. Just imagine how great we could have done if we'd actually paced ourselves." Jon laughs and Brendon shifts to sit with his legs outstretched, feet kicking at Jon. Brendon gets restless after a while, and he can't sit still. He likes to be in motion a lot.
"Get your feet off of me," Jon says, but he's grinning. Brendon kicks more. Jon laughs and says, "You're an asshole. Has anyone ever told you that before?"
"Yeah, you have," Brendon says, grinning. He scoots over so that he's sitting next to Jon, rather than in front of him, and sits indian style, too. "Better?"
"As long as your feet aren't on me, we're good," Jon says. Then, "We should do something fun tomorrow."
"Like what?" Brendon asks. "I don't have any money."
"It's cool, dude. I have a job, remember? I've got ya." Jon makes a thoughtful hm sound and says, "We should go see a movie. I don't know what. What's out?"
"I don't have a clue, man." Brendon shrugs. "Don't you work on Saturdays?"
"Yeah, but in the afternoon," Jon says. "We can do something after that. Oh, wait, you have an early curfew. Oh well, maybe next Friday. I like your parents and everything, but we should do something without them."
Brendon laughs and says, "Okay, cool." He bobs his head and then puts it on Jon's shoulder, listening to the music. "We're gonna have a band."
"Yep," Jon says. "We are."
Brendon's kind of tired and probably falling asleep, but it's not even very late yet. He doesn't really want to go to bed. He says, "I'm hungry. Let's go see if we can find something to eat downstairs."
"Nah, you go. I'm good," Jon says. "I need to call my mom anyway and tell her that I'm not coming home." Brendon could have sworn that Jon had already called his parents an hour ago, but he shrugs, says, "Suit yourself," and goes downstairs.
Brendon gets a couple of cans of caffeine free Coke, a bag of chips and some cookies. His mom looks at him like she's going to argue, but Brendon only shrugs and says, "Jon's hungry," because heading back upstairs. Brendon's mom always lets Jon have junk food because she thinks he's such a nice boy. Brendon occasionally suspects that his mom likes Jon more than she likes Brendon. He gets to the door and has to shuffle things around a little to be able to open the door. He can hear Jon talking on the phone through the closed door, saying, "Yeah, I don't know. It's still kind of weird, I guess." Brendon doesn't suspect that Jon has told his mom about what happened between them, so he thinks that Jon is probably talking to someone else or about something else.
"Yeah, he's probably almost back," Jon says suddenly. "Okay, bye." He hangs up.
Brendon waits a couple of seconds before opening the door. "I brought you a soda," he says. Brendon knows Jon tends to make a face at the caffeine free stuff, but it's all Brendon's mom will buy. "Did you talk to your mom?"
"My -- oh. Yeah," Jon says. "Yeah, I did."
Brendon nods, and Jon says, "Thanks," as he opens his soda.
Brendon opens the cookies. When Jon tries to grab for the bag, Brendon shakes his head and says, "Nope, you said you weren't hungry. Sorry." He grins around the cookie he's got in his mouth before he bites down on it and chews. "They're really good, too."
"That isn't fair," Jon says. "I had to call my mom!"
Brendon just shrugs.
"You're going to force me to take drastic measures, Brendon."
"What are you going to do? Tackle me for the cookies?" Brendon laughs and flops back on the bed, cradling the cookies to his chest. "Sorry, Jon. You had your chance and you missed it." Jon stands up from his spot on the floor, and Brendon grins. "You're seriously going to fight me for these?"
"If I have to," Jon says, grinning back at him. "Come on, Brendon. I'm ruthless and you know it." Brendon grins even wider at him and shrugs, taking another bite of the cookie. Jon says, "Oh, see, now it's on. That look doesn't work the way you think it does."
He walks over to Brendon and says, "Are you going to hand the bag over?" Brendon shakes his head, holding the bag tighter. Jon gets onto the bed, knees on either side of Brendon's body. "Are you going to make me do this? Really?" Brendon nods, and Jon leans over, grabbing Brendon's hands loosely.
Brendon puts up a fake struggle and says, "I'll call my mom if you hurt me. She'll make you leave."
"Hand over the cookies and no one gets hurt," Jon says, pushing at Brendon's arms.
Brendon keeps his arms locked and shakes his head, says, "You'll have to be more creative than that," and keeps grinning.
"Oh," Jon says. "Okay, you're going to play dirty." He moves his hands and pokes at Brendon's side. "I'm going to do this until you let go of the bag. There's your choice."
"Jon, that--" Brendon can't talk through his laughter. He drops his arms and starts batting at Jon's hands. "Stop, stop, okay, you win!"
"That's what I thought," Jon says. "I always win." He grins. He's still leaning over Brendon and the cookies are on the bed beside them, forgotten. Brendon stops laughing and looks at Jon. Brendon can't stop smiling, and Jon's smiling, too. Jon leans down a little more, hovering over Brendon, and says, "So." Brendon doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything. He leans up, closing the small the distance between them, and kisses Jon because he's kind of wanted to do it again since the first time it happened.
"Brendon," Jon says, pulling away just enough that he can say Brendon's name.
Brendon shakes his head and pulls Jon back down to him.
Brendon can't think about anything but Jon and the kiss. He knows that if he does, he might freak out. They keep kissing. Brendon plays with the hair at the nape of Jon's neck, which hasn't been cut in a while. It's curling at the end, and it's really soft. It feels good in Brendon's fingers.
Jon puts one hand under Brendon's shirt and makes contact with the skin at Brendon's hip. His hands are rough, and it feels better than Brendon would probably admit to anyone other than himself. Brendon's starting to get a little breathless, but he doesn't want to stop. He pulls back just far enough that he can kiss Jon's jawline, and he kisses Jon on the mouth again. Jon isn't protesting so he figures it's okay.
Jon pulls away long enough to get Brendon's shirt off and say, "What the hell are we doing?" There's a hint of laughter behind it.
Brendon doesn't know what they're doing, but that doesn't make him want it any less. He says, "My parents are downstairs," because he doesn't know what else to say.
"Yeah," Jon says. "I know. Maybe this is a bad--" Brendon cuts him off with another kiss. He moves his hands down Jon's sides and says, "Maybe we should --"
Jon says, "Yeah, we should stop."
"No," Brendon says. "I was going to say we should get more comfortable." He shifts, moving under Jon and turning so that his legs aren't bent over the side of the bed anymore and his head is at his pillow. He pulls Jon back over and says, "This isn't fair. Why am I the only one who's half-naked?"
Jon laughs. "I thought we were pretending this didn't happen."
"I changed my mind," Brendon says. "Now, shirt off." He'd be lying if he said he wasn't scared, but Brendon's trying not to think about the fact that this is Jon, his best friend, another guy, and concentrating on thinking about the fact that kissing Jon feels really fucking good. Brendon can only imagine how good everything else might feel. Jon finally gets his shirt off and kisses Brendon again, trailing little kisses down his jawline and his neck and then back up to his mouth.
And then there's a knock on the door
Jon jumps off the bed right as Brendon's mom says, "We're going to bed, Brendon. You should think about doing the same pretty soon." Brendon thanks whatever God there is that she didn't come barging in like she usually does. That would have been really hard to explain.
"So," Jon says.
Brendon says, "Yeah, I guess this wasn't the best idea."
"I think I'll sleep on the floor," Jon says.
Brendon really wants to tell Jon that he doesn't have to do that. There's plenty of room in the bed, and if they end up kissing or something, it's fine because they can totally be quiet. Brendon's mom would never know. But Jon looks like he's not into that anymore, so Brendon just says, "Okay," and hands him a blanket.
+
Jon is gone when Brendon wakes up. There's a note scribbled on a piece of scrap paper on the table next to the bed that says, went home had to get ready for work come by later? in Jon's handwriting. Brendon smiles to himself.
He's still smiling when he goes downstairs for breakfast (closer to lunch now). Kyla is in the living room with his mom, telling her something about school. She goes to UNLV and has an apartment right near campus so that she doesn't have to drive back and forth, but she still comes home a few times a week.
"Hey, baby brother," she says. "Jon got out of here pretty early."
"Oh," Brendon says. "Yeah, he had to go to work."
"You doing anything this afternoon?" Kyla asks. "I was kind of hoping we could hang out or something."
Brendon doesn't know what's up, but Kyla never just wants to hang out with him. She hangs out with Kara sometimes, and even Matt and Mason, but she never wants to hang out with Brendon. "Uhm, okay," he says, because he doesn't really know what else to say.
Brendon stops in the kitchen to make a sandwich and then goes upstairs to change his clothes. He sends a quick text to Jon telling him he's going to hang out with Kyla and doesn't know if he'll be able to stop by the Starbucks where Jon works. He goes back downstairs. Kyla's telling their mom that she'll have Brendon back in time for dinner tonight.
"Ready to go?" Brendon asks. He really only wants to know what Kyla is up to.
Kyla doesn't say anything when they get in her car. They've been driving for about ten minutes before Brendon says, "Okay, so what's up?"
"You have to promise not to get mad at me," Kyla says. That doesn't sound promising, but Brendon doesn't think he's done anything wrong, so he just says, "Okay."
"Mom thinks something's up with you and she wants me to find out what it is," Kyla says. "But you don't have to tell me. I just told her that I'd take you out and talk to you. I can tell her it's nothing." Brendon's really thankful that his mom sent Kyla after him and not Matt or Mason. "And if you want to tell me, I won't tell mom if you don't want me to."
"Okay," Brendon agrees, but he doesn't offer any more explanation. "Where are we going?"
"Well, I was going to take you to lunch, but you just ate," Kyla says. "I don't know. Do you feel like going to the mall?" She grins and adds, "I might even buy you something if you behave."
"I'm not seven anymore," Brendon says. "And sure, that sounds good. Can we stop by the Starbucks in the food court before we leave? I told Jon I'd try to swing by. We have some school stuff to talk about." Brendon knows that if there's anyone he could possibly tell, it would be Kyla. He's just not sure if he's ready to share his secret yet.
"Sure," Kyla says. "Does mom know you drink coffee?"
"What?" Brendon says. And then, "I don't drink coffee! Okay, once, but it was Jon's fault. He gave it to me for free and I didn't want to be rude." He realizes that Kyla is laughing at him and says, "You suck," but it's obvious that he doesn't mean it. He just starts laughing, too.
+
Brendon is hungry again. He says this repeatedly and in various whiny tones until Kyla agrees to buy him something from the food court. She goes to order the food while Brendon finds a seat and texts Jon, coming by but w/kyla. maybe an hour. :) He snaps the phone shut just as Kyla comes back with their food.
"Texting? Really, Brendon?" Kyla says. "I always knew you'd be the rebellious one. Between the coffee and using your phone for non-emergencies, I just don't know what I'm going to do with you."
"It was an emergency," Brendon says. "I had to warn Jon that my crazy sister was coming with me." He grins, grabbing his burger from the tray.
"Say I'm crazy again and I won't keep your secret when you finally decide to tell me whatever it is," Kyla says. "You're going to tell me, right?"
"I'm going to what?" Brendon asks. He knows what Kyla means, and he wants to tell her -- at least, he wants to give her a vague idea, if only for the possible advice that she could give him -- but Brendon hasn't decided how much he wants to give her yet.
"Tell me what is going on with you," Kyla say. "You know what I meant."
"Yeah," Brendon says. "Okay." He puts his burger down and pushes it away from him, unfinished. "So, I'm kind of interested in someone, but...I don't know."
"Oh, Brendon, that's so cute!" Kyla says. "You don't know what? If she's interested in you, too? I mean, if you're really interested in that way. I can tell you that if you think you're interested in dating this girl, you probably are." That's kind of what Brendon was afraid of. He doesn't want to be interested in Jon. It will cause too many problems he doesn't want to deal with.
"I just don't know," Brendon says. "How do you know if someone wants you like that?"
"Well, everyone's different," Kyla says. "I think you should just ask her out and see what happens. I mean, the worst that could happen is that she says no, laughs about you with her friends and turns you into an outcast at school."
"Thanks for that," Brendon says. "And anyway, that won't happen. I'm already an outcast." He grabs his burger again, taking another bite, and says, "This is disgusting. Next time I get to pick."
"Only if you're paying," Kyla says. "So, do I get to meet her?"
"Her? Meet who?" Brendon says, and then he remembers. "Oh, her. Uhm, I don't think that'd be a good idea."
"Okay," Kyla says, but she doesn't sound convinced. Brendon just doesn't know how to tell her, yeah, it's a dude, and you've met him multiple times, and hey, we're going to see him right now. He's not too sure it would go over well.
Brendon doesn't say anything else on the subject, and they finish their lunch with minimal amounts of small talk and then make their way to a few more stores. Finally, Kyla says, "Okay, we should run to Starbucks now so that we can get home. Mom wants you back soon."
There's a short line at Starbucks, and they sneak into the back of it. Jon and another guy are making drinks while a girl that Brendon recognizes from band is taking orders. They make it up to the register and she smiles at them, asking what the want. Jon looks up and says, "Grande White Mocha, an extra pump of white mocha," and goes back to working on the drink for the girl in front of him. Kyla looks skeptical, but Brendon nods and says, "What he said." Kyla tells the cashier what she wants, but Brendon is already going down to the end of the counter to wait for his drink. To wait for Jon.
"Hey," Brendon says, after Jon hands the girl her drink. There's no one behind him, so Brendon leans on the counter, getting as comfortable as he can, peeking over it as Jon starts on his drink.
"Hey," Jon says. "How's it going?" Brendon isn't sure if he's imagining that Jon's smile is a little wider than usual.
"You know," Brendon says. "Mom sent my sister after me to find out my big secret or whatever. I guess she thinks I've been acting weird." He shrugs.
"Hey, Jon," Kyla says, walking up to them. "How have you been?"
"Good," Jon says. "How's school?"
"Pretty good," Kyla says. "So do you know anything about this girl Brendon likes?" And Brendon's not entirely sure, but he thinks he goes red because his face suddenly feels really hot. He's going to kill Kyla later.
"Girl?" Jon says. It's kind of funny how he looks like a deer in headlights and then manages to spill Brendon's drink all over the counter. Brendon is even more embarrassed by his sister. "I mean, no, not really. He hasn't said anything."
"Oh well," Kyla says. "I guess I'll just have to get it out of him." She's giving Jon kind of a weird look and Brendon's not sure what to make of it. The other barista comes over with Kyla's iced tea and she thanks him. Jon is remaking Brendon's drink. When he finishes it, he hands it to Brendon over the counter and says, "Give me just a second, I'll take a break." Brendon nods and goes to sit at one of the tables in the corner with Kyla. She's studying Brendon pretty closely, but he avoids looking at her by looking at his coffee cup. Jon has written Brendon's name on it, even though he didn't really have to.
Jon comes over and slides an extra chair up to their table, sitting down between Kyla and Brendon. "I'm yours for fifteen minutes," he says.
Brendon suddenly feels like he should have thought this through a little more carefully because he feels really awkward. Jon doesn't look like he feels as awkward as Brendon does, but that doesn't make Brendon feel any better.
Jon says, "Did Brendon tell you that we're starting a band?"
"No," Kyla says. "That sounds like fun. Who else is in the band?"
Jon laughs. "Well, we're still thinking about that, but it's going to happen. Right Brendon?" He looks over at Brendon and smiles.
Brendon says, "Yeah," and concentrates on drinking his coffee.
Kyla looks between Brendon and Jon. She says, "I have to go to the ladies' room. Can you watch my stuff, Brendon?"
"Oh my God," Brendon says when she's gone. "I'm sorry." He drops his head to the table until he realizes Jon is laughing. Brendon looks up, unamused. "What?"
"Nothing," Jon says, still laughing. "You just look so tragic. It's kind of hilarious."
"Fine," Brendon says. "Laugh at my pain. See if I play the piano for your band." They both know it's an empty threat. When Jon starts laughing again, Brendon can't help joining him. "Okay, I guess you win."
"Always," Jon says. "Hey, so, before your sister comes back, I just wanted to -- I mean, about last night..."
"Oh, yeah," Brendon says, waving a hand. "I know, right? Whatever, didn't happen." He's pretty sure from Jon's tone that that's what he was going to say.
"Actually," Jon starts. Then he shakes his head and says, "Yeah, totally. Forget it, right? I should get back to work."
"What? You said you had fifteen --"
"Hey, Brendon, are you ready to go?" Kyla asks, coming back from the restroom and cutting Brendon off.
Jon smiles at her and says, "It was nice seeing you again Kyla. Talk to you later, Brendon." He walks away before Brendon can answer.
Brendon smiles at Kyla, takes one last sip of his coffee and tosses it in the garbage on the way out. He doesn't feel so great anymore.
+
They get halfway back to the house before Kyla says anything. There's a song by some new pop act on the radio and Brendon couldn't name the group if he tried. It's about unrequited love and heartache. Brendon reaches over to turn the radio off.
Kyla glances at him from the corner of her eye. "Are you okay?"
"Fine," Brendon says. "I just hate that song. Not a fan of that genre, you know." He hopes that satisfies her.
"Yeah," she says.
Brendon taps out a beat on his thigh, looking out the window. He feels like he probably needs to go back to the mall and talk to Jon right now, or maybe hang out with him tonight. Everything feels so strange, and he doesn't like it at all.
"So, this girl, what's her name?" Kyla says.
"What?" Brendon says, surprised by the question. "Oh, right." He pauses, then asks, "Why is it important?"
"Curious," Kyla says. Brendon's not looking at her, but he's sure she shrugs. "Is she in band? Or in one of your classes? How did you meet her?"
"What's with all the questions?" Brendon asks, possibly with a little more force than he intended. "I thought you weren't going to make me say anything."
"Okay," Kyla says. She turns the radio back on. Brendon's a little relieved because he takes that to mean that she's not going to say anything else. There's a commercial on for a guitar store opening in town. Brendon is pulling out his phone to text Jon and tell him about it when Kyla says, "You know, Brendon, if there's anything you need to talk about, you can tell me. I won't tell mom, and I won't judge you."
"There's nothing to tell," Brendon says. She can say that all she wants, but he doesn't really believe it.
They pull into the drive way and Kyla turns off the car. She turns to Brendon. "Jon's a good friend," she says.
"Yeah," Brendon says. "Do you promise not to tell mom? No matter what I say?"
"I promise," Kyla says. "Now, go."
"I don't know. There's something weird going on with Jon," Brendon says. It's so strange to say it out loud to someone. He and Jon technically haven't even talked about it yet. "Something sort of happened between us, and I don't know if it's as weird for him as it is for me. He just sort of acts like everything's the same, even though it's really not."
"You should just make him listen," Kyla says. "If you let him avoid it, you're not making things any easier for either of you."
"But what if it screws everything up?" Brendon asks. " Like, what if I tell him what I want, and he doesn't -- Ky, he's really the only friend I have, and I don't want to fuck that up."
"You might have to take that chance," Kyla says.
"Why are you being so cool about this?" Brendon says. He never imagined that anyone in his family would be okay with anything about this situation. It goes against everything Brendon has ever been taught.
"Someone has to be," Kyla says. She looks at the house and adds, "You know they won't be, right? None of them. At least, not for a while."
"I don't think they'd be okay with a lot of the decisions I'm going to make." No one but Kyla knows that Brendon is planning on being in a band, trying to make it big and getting out of Vegas. "Anyway, I don't even know if I'm okay with it."
"It's not that big a deal," Kyla says, "you know that, right?" Brendon is surprised that anyone in his family could feel that way, but he only nods. "You having a thing for Jon...it's just as natural as me falling in love with the next guy who comes running down this street." Brendon nods again, even though he's not entirely sure he believes her. Kyla says, "Anyway, if it's not Jon, it's going to be someone else."
Brendon hasn't really thought about it that way. He's never been attracted to a guy before Jon. Then again, he hasn't really been interested in many girls either, so maybe that's not the best argument.
+
Jon picks Brendon up for school on Monday. They get halfway there before Jon says anything to Brendon.
"So there's a girl?" he asks.
"Uhm," Brendon says. "No, not really." He'd texted Jon a couple of times on Sunday, but he hadn't been able to get much more than a pick you up tmrw? in reply. "Kyla was kind of bugging me, so I made something up." It's true enough not to be a total lie. Brendon figures it's okay.
"Cool," Jon says. "I'd hate to think you had a secret girlfriend this whole time and weren't telling me." He laughs, but there's something missing behind it.
"No," Brendon says. "No secret girlfriend."
"No practice today," Brendon says when Jon pulls into the parking lot and stops the car. "You still gonna give me a ride home?"
"Sure," Jon says. Brendon opens the door and steps out just as Jon says, "Hey, Brendon, wait."
Brendon stops and looks back at Jon.
"Nevermind," Jon says. "I'll talk to you in history."
Brendon nods and smiles, waving at Jon as he says goodbye. He wants to know what Jon was going to say, but he doesn't think Jon would tell him, even if he asked.
+
Jon doesn't actually talk to Brendon in history. He waves, but he doesn't make eye contact and he doesn't say anything. He barely talks to Brendon at lunch. Brendon is trying not to be annoyed, but it's not working very well. He goes out to Jon's car after school, arriving before Jon, and hops up to sit on the hood and wait. Jon comes out a few minutes later, waves at Brendon, but walks past him and gets into the car without speaking to him.
Brendon follows. They sit in silence while Jon starts up the car and backs out of the parking space. Eventually, Brendon gets tired of not talking and says, "So what's up?"
"Bad day, I guess," Jon says, shrugging.
"Wanna talk about it?" Brendon asks.
"Not really," Jon says. Brendon doesn't really know what to say to that, so he just looks out the window and watches the streets pass. The part of Brendon that is completely irrational wants to lean over and kiss Jon right now, just to get some sort of reaction, but he knows it's a bad idea.
"Do you have to go home?" Jon asks.
"Probably," Brendon says. "I mean, I guess I could tell my mom I forgot I had practice."
"Okay," Jon says. He skips Brendon's street and keeps driving, taking the road to his own house "My parent's aren't home," he says. And then, "We should talk."
Brendon is surprised that Jon wants to talk at all. He wonders if Jon is going to tell him it's no good, that they shouldn't hang out anymore because things are weird between them and they only keep getting weirder. He doesn't think Jon would do that, but Brendon's not too sure of anything anymore.
They go inside and up to Jon's room. Jon sits down on his bed. Brendon feels awkward because he's just hovering by the door. He's almost afraid to go into the room, so he stands in the doorway while Jon opens and closes his mouth a couple times like he's about to say something. "Come here," he says eventually, and Brendon does. He sits down on the edge of the bed, probably a little farther away from Jon than is strictly necessary, but he's nervous. Brendon doesn't know what Jon's going to say. He might have to run.
"What's up?" he says.
"I don't know," Jon says. "This is weird."
"Yeah," Brendon says. "Look, if you just don't think we should hang out anymore, you can tell me. I'll understand." It isn't even close to what Brendon wants, but if that's what Jon wants Brendon won't fight him on it.
"No," Jon says. "I want..." He leans over and grabs Brendon's wrist, pulling him closer. Brendon's head is spinning, just a little, but he doesn't pull away. He wants to see where this is going. They're facing each other now, and Jon bites his lip for a moment, like he's trying to figure something out, before he leans over and kisses Brendon again. It doesn't last very long before Jon pulls away and says, "I just had to find out."
"Find out what?" Brendon says.
"If you'd bolt," Jon replies, laughing. Brendon laughs too, and then they're kissing again. Brendon's not sure who kisses who this time, but it doesn't matter. Jon pushes Brendon down and they stretch out together on Jon's bed.
Jon moves just far enough away from Brendon so that he can speak. "Are you okay with this?" He's looking at Brendon like he's a little unsure, but he's still half-smiling.
"Yeah," Brendon says. "Yes, so okay with this." Brendon doesn't know if he's going to regret any of this later, but all he's thinking about is what's happening right now and how good it feels when Jon kisses him again.
Jon shifts his weight up on one elbow so that he can pull Brendon's shirt off. He takes is own shirt off, too, and then he leans down and starts to press lazy kisses to Brendon's jaw, his neck, under his chin where he's ticklish. Brendon squirms a little bit as Jon fumbles with the button and zipper on his jeans. His fingers are rough against Brendon's bare skin, giving him goose bumps, and by the time Jon finally gets Brendon's jeans off, Brendon is panting noisily through his open mouth.
Jon leans down again to kiss him again. Brendon is so caught up in it, distracted by the wet pressure of Jon's mouth against his, that he's startled when he feels Jon's hand on his cock. It's not that he wasn't expecting things to go this way; Brendon had just thought he'd have a little more time to get used to the feeling of their bare chests pressed together, the way Jon is touching him. Jon's hand feels different on Brendon's cock than his own does. It's good, though. It's definitely a good kind of different.
Brendon knows Jon is hard in his jeans; he can feel Jon's cock pressed up against his leg through the denim. Brendon's legs are bare and cold, and he's the only person not wearing pants in this situation. He must look stupid. Brendon feels pretty stupid, but he can tell that Jon is trying to get some better friction, so he reaches down, manages to unzip Jon's jeans one-handed and sticks a hand into his boxers.
Wrapping his fingers around Jon's cock is strange. Brendon kind of wishes he had both hands free so that he could explore a little, maybe find out what makes Jon feel good, but there isn't enough room for that. There isn't enough time for exploration, either, so Brendon has to make do with only one hand. He tightens his grip so that Jon can half-thrust forward into the circle of his fingers. Brendon can feel himself getting close, and Jon's movements are getting jerkier and jerkier. He actually lets out a loud moan, and when Jon shuts him up with another kiss, that's all it takes to send Brendon over the edge.
He comes all over Jon's hand and all over himself. There's a moment immediately afterward when Brendon feels kind of weak and tired all over, but he tries to keep jerking Jon off in a steady rhythm, gripping his cock tighter and trying to make it good for him. It's not much longer before Jon comes too.
Jon rolls over to lie next to Brendon, grabbing his discarded T-shirt and wiping them both down with it. He says, "Wow."
"Yeah," Brendon says. He laughs. "Yeah, wow."
"What's so funny?" Jon asks, looking mildly amused himself.
"I don't know. I thought you were going to tell me you didn't want to talk to me anymore or something," Brendon says. "I mean, after all that stuff about pretending it never happened."
Jon laughs, loudly.
"Brendon," he says. "I only said that because I assumed it was what you wanted to do. I mean, with your family. You didn't seem -- I don't know -- all that thrilled or anything."
"Oh," Brendon says. "I guess I freaked out a little bit at first, but I don't know. You're --" Brendon cuts himself off, and then says, "I don't know. You're you, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Jon says. Downstairs, the front door opens and slams closed. Jon groans. "Shit, that's probably my mom."
"I guess I should go," Brendon says. "Unless we have another project due tomorrow that we should work on."
"Do you think your mom and dad would buy it?" Jon grins.
"We can try," Brendon says. "We should talk more about the band."
"Yeah, the band," Jon agrees. "We're gonna to be amazing."
"I know," Brendon says. "We really are."
I'm sorry. /o\
The story of two boys, sleepovers, crushes, one tiny gay crisis and lots of making out.
Jon/Brendon, high school au, r, 9442 words
Thanks to
ericaplease for the awesome beta job. This fic would probably suck without her telling me to fix things. Title stolen shamelessly from Charlotte Sometimes. Warning: underaged sort-of porn, non-famous family members, cuteness. The sleepover twitter happened, I went to write random sleepover makeouts, and this happened instead. Sorry.I disclaim. This is not real. This never happened. This is all an illusion. If you're in this, I apologize.
Brendon gets out of band practice a little later than usual because someone in the woodwind section kept fucking up on their timing. He's mostly just annoyed because he's got this huge project for history due tomorrow, and Jon is supposed to be coming over to work on it. He flips open the phone that his parents gave him for emergencies only --because this is totally an emergency-- to text Jon and let him know that he's on his way home. Brendon's only fifteen. He doesn't have a license yet, and the bus is long gone. Luckily it's not that far of a walk, and even though Jon will beat him there, he shouldn't be stuck with Brendon's mom for too long.
Brendon gets a reply from Jon almost right away. its cool havnt left yet. my parents said its cool if i spend the night! :) Brendon types in a quick response and continues home. Usually the rule is no friends over on a school night, especially not to spend the night, but he figures that since the project is due tomorrow, they should be okay with it. Besides, Brendon's mom thinks Jon is just "the nicest boy."
Jon actually plays in little garage bands and drinks and smokes pot. He hangs around with a lot of people that Brendon thinks his mom wouldn't like at all, but Brendon's not going to tell her that. He really likes Jon, and he'd hate for his parents to have to tell him they thought Jon was a bad influence. Except for Jon, Brendon doesn't actually have a lot of friends. He knows the people in band, and there are some kids he talks to at school, but mostly everyone thinks he's kind of lame.
After Brendon gets home and his mom grills him about why he was late for a good fifteen minutes, he drops his bag in his room and goes back downstairs. "By the way, Jon might spend the night," Brendon says. His mom is making pot roast with carrots and potatoes. Jon loves pot roast. Brendon suspects that's why his mom is making it.
"Brendon, you know the rules," his mom says. "It's a school night, and no guests--"
"After nine on a school night, I know. But we have this huge project due tomorrow, and it's, like, fifty percent of our grade or something." It's five percent of their grade. "We might have to work pretty late, and you don't want Jon driving home when he's tired, do you? He might crash." Brendon knows it's overdramatic, but he knows how to win an argument with his mom, and this is his strategy.
She sighs, shaking her head. "Okay, fine, but just this once," she says, and then, "And you two have to be in bed at a decent hour."
"Yes, ma'am," Brendon says. He hears a car pull into the driveway and knows it's Jon because Jon's car is old and loud and needs a lot of work, but it's the only car he could afford. That makes it an awesome car. Brendon waits for Jon to walk up the porch and ring the bell before going to open the door.
"Let's go put your books in my room, and then we can set the table," Brendon says. He usually tries to get out of setting the table, but his mom is doing him a favor by letting Jon stay, so he doesn't argue about it.
+
"This is so boring," Brendon says. They've been upstairs working on their project for a good half hour already, and they haven't made very much progress. Mostly because they keep getting sidetracked.
"We've barely started," Jon says. "Your mom wants us in bed by eleven, too, so we can't keep getting distracted. Hey, if we finish soon, maybe we can even talk about the band." Jon and Brendon have Plans. Brendon's a pretty awesome bass player, and Jon is good at guitar, and he can sing. He's got a couple friends who know some things, too, and they're going to try to work something out over the summer. Brendon hasn't told his parents yet because he's not entirely sure they're going to go for it.
"Oh, awesome. Did you talk to Tom?" Tom was Jon's best friend in Chicago, until Jon moved to Vegas last year. He's already got this band going that's pretty awesome. He sends Jon their stuff sometimes, and Jon plays it for Brendon.
"After we finish. Come on, Brendon. We have to finish this," Jon says. It's pretty bad when Jon is harping on it because he is a notorious procrastinator.
"Okay, okay," Brendon says. They spend the next two hours talking about nothing but The Civil War and the Battle of Gettysburg. It's really boring.
+
It's around ten when they finally finish all of their work, and the pages are printed out with the proper heading and a cover page in the perfect font. They put it in Jon's backpack so that there's no way they'll forget it in the morning. Once they get changed and ready for bed, they crawl into Brendon's little twin bed together and pull up the covers. Neither one of them is really big, but it's still a tight fit for two growing teenaged boys.
"So, about this band thing," Brendon says. "Last time we decided that I was going to play bass, because I'm awesome."
Jon laughs and says, "That you are, Bden. That you are." They lie silent for a few seconds before Jon continues, "It's going to be great. We're going to find a singer and a drummer, and then we'll write awesome songs and tour the world."
"I can't wait," Brendon says. He's itching to do more than just sit around Vegas. Brendon's parents have plans for him. He doesn't know how to tell him that what they want isn't what he wants. Brendon's never even told his brothers and sisters. Only Jon knows.
"We should have auditions," Brendon says. "I know there are some guys in band who'd probably be down for it."
"Hm," Jon says. "Yeah, maybe." And then, "I think I know a couple of guys who might be down. Sometimes they're in this other band, but who knows this week." Jon always knows a couple of guys. Or a couple of girls. Jon knows a lot of people. Brendon suspects he has ties to some pretty awesome people back in Chicago, just from things he's said, but Brendon doesn't want to come right out and ask Jon if he knows Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy or anything stupid and lame like that.
"Cool, you should ask them," Brendon says.
"Well, we'd probably have to shift our roles a little, though. Spencer is a drummer, and a damn good one, but Ryan really just knows guitar. I mean, he could sing, but--" Jon snorts softly and then says, "I'd probably be a better choice for that, and I'm terrible!"
"You're not a bad singer," Brendon says. "Hey, you could take bass, Ryan on guitar, and I could play piano. Keyboard. Whatever." Brendon's been playing the piano for most of his life. He hadn't really wanted the lessons at first; it was just something his mom wanted him to learn, but once he'd learned piano, Brendon couldn't stop wanting to learn new instruments. He gets pretty bored of some of them pretty fast, so he can kind of play a lot of things, but really only piano and guitar well.
"Hm," Jon says, thoughtfully. "That doesn't sound like a bad idea." He grins and adds, "You're a smart dude, Brendon Urie."
"I like to think so," Brendon says. He lies there for a moment, thinking about how great it's going to be when this happens because it is going to happen. There's no doubt in his mind that it is.
"We're gonna be awesome," Jon says quietly.
Brendon nods his agreement, and then says, "I wonder how my parents are gonna take the news."
Jon rolls onto his side, facing Brendon now, and says, "They are going to be so fucking proud, dude. Because we're gonna make awesome music and play to sold out crowds everywhere." Somehow Brendon isn't sure that his mom and dad are going to see it that way. He wishes he could believe it.
Brendon turns to face Jon. "Maybe," he says. "They're pretty set in their ways. They have plans for me." All of his brothers and sisters had followed The Plans, and Brendon didn't really think he was going to end up being any different. But Brendon would be happy with just Jon and this band that doesn't exist yet.
"Lies," Jon says. He's talking in sleepy, hushed tones now, and Brendon can tell that his eyes are drooping even though it's too dark to see. "Just wait," Jon says. "It's gonna be awesome.
"I think you said that already," Brendon says. He's not really entirely sure what happens next, but Jon's suddenly closer than he was a second ago, muttering, "Mm, I did," and then his lips are pressed to Brendon's. Brendon's first instinct is to push Jon away and tell him to leave because that is Wrong. But Jon's lips are soft and wet, and Brendon ends up kissing him back instead of pushing him away because it's really, really nice.
Brendon's only ever kissed one person before. It was Lydia Martin, during the summer between 8th and 9th grade, and it wasn't very good. They'd bumped noses, and it had been a lot wetter than Brendon was expecting. He ended up biting her lip really hard, and then she slapped him and went home. It had been pretty humiliating.
Kissing Jon isn't anything like that. Jon pulls back a little, more awake and alert now. He looks at Brendon as if he's looking for an answer to some unspoken question, like he's looking for permission. In response, Brendon pushes back into his space, kissing him again. This time, it's more then just a press of lips. Brendon almost panics when he feels Jon's mouth open, but he does the same and it's a little weird at first, feeling Jon's tongue in his mouth, but a really good kind of weird. Brendon thinks he could probably get used to this.
The biggest problem now is that Brendon doesn't really know what to do with his free hand, the one that's not trapped under his own weight. It's kind of awkwardly lying there, so he starts playing with the hem of Jon's t-shirt. Jon moves his hand to the back of Brendon's head and starts playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He pulls away from Brendon.
"Wow," Jon says, barely a whisper.
"Yeah." Brendon breathes out. He's surprised he even made a sound. "I don't really know where that came from."
"I think I'm the one who should be saying that," Jon says. "We should go to sleep."
"Yeah," Brendon says. "Okay, yeah." But he doesn't actually think he'll be able to sleep.
+
The next morning is kind of awkward. Brendon didn't know what to say to Jon, and it seemed like Jon didn't know what to say to him either. Which, Brendon knows, is at least true of himself. Brendon made out a little bit with his best friend -- his best friend who is a boy -- and he doesn't really know how to process that. They get dressed in silence, and then they go downstairs. Brendon's mom has made pancakes and bacon, and she won't let them leave for school without eating first.
They don't say anything the entire time. Brendon's mom keeps looking back and forth between them, and then sending Brendon little looks that say, "We'll talk later." Brendon doesn't think he's going to be talking about this with his mom. In fact, he's sure he's not going to be talking about this with his mom.
After saying goodbye to Brendon's mom, they walk to Jon's car together. Once inside, Brendon makes a really valiant effort to look straight ahead. He doesn't feel too bad because Jon seems to be doing the same thing. The music is on really quietly. Brendon is not fond of the awkward silence, so he turns up the classic rock station and listens to She's So Heavy -- but he doesn't sing along. Singing along would feel too much like talking.
When they get to school, Jon and Brendon go their separate ways for first period and only see each other again in third, when they have to present their project. Even then, they only say what they need to. At lunch, Brendon doesn't meet Jon out in the quad like he usually does. He finds an empty table in the cafeteria instead, content to eat by himself, but it doesn't work out that way because Jon comes to find him. He doesn't say anything, only gestures to the door until Brendon nods and reluctantly follows him outside into the quad. They end up stopping behind some trees where no one else is around.
"Look, about last night," Jon says. His voice hitches and he says, "I--" Then nothing. Brendon's not sure if it's because Jon doesn't know what to say or because he does know but thinks he shouldn't say it.
"No worries," Brendon says. "Never happened, okay?" He forces a smile. "I mean, things happen, right?"
"Yeah," Jon says. Jon doesn't look relieved, but when he says, "Totally," and smiles back, Brendon takes it as a sign. And if Jon's smile seems a little forced, Brendon ignores it.
If Brendon wants to kiss Jon again, behind these trees, in the middle of the school day, he ignores that too.
+
Brendon usually gets a ride home from Jon on Fridays because there's no band practice, but Jon's already gone by the time he gets out to the parking lot. Brendon walks home. He figures Jon probably has a good reason for leaving him -- maybe he forgot it was Friday or something. Brendon tells himself it's definitely not because they kissed because that would be stupid, and Jon isn't usually stupid. Brendon's mom is just pulling into the drive way when he walks up. She says, "No ride from Jon today?"
"He had some errands to run," Brendon says. "Anyway, I have some work to do." He does have some homework, but he's probably not going to get it done on a Friday afternoon. He just really wants an excuse not to talk to his mom about Jon. Not that there's really anything to say. Brendon feels like maybe she would be able to tell that Brendon's done something she wouldn't approve of, and Brendon doesn't want to deal with the guilt.
Brendon goes upstairs, throws his backpack down, and falls back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He makes himself a little dizzy, watching the ceiling fan spin around and around. He closes his eyes, blinks a couple of times and then sits up. Brendon kind of wishes his parents would let him have a TV in his room because Brendon could really use some mindless entertainment right now. He turns on the radio instead. The DJ is talking about some pop princess and whether she was seen making out with her current flavor of the week. Brendon really couldn't care less, but he leaves the radio on because it's a welcome distraction from everything that's going on in his head.
Brendon sits back down on the edge of the bed and takes his phone out of his pocket. He flips through his contact list until he gets to Jon, hovers there for a moment, and then flips the phone closed again. He could probably call Kyla. She was always good at keeping secrets when his other siblings had them, but this is so different from anything any of Brendon's brothers and sisters had ever done. This is definitely wrong in more ways than just breaking the house rules.
Brendon falls back on his bed. He doesn't mean to fall asleep -- he just doesn't want to think about it anymore. When he opens his eyes it's to the musical stylings of Britney Spears -- Jon's ringtone, because Brendon knew it pissed him off. Brendon reaches for his phone, but by the time he gets to it, the ringing has stopped. Whatever it is that Jon needs, he'll probably leave a message, and maybe Brendon won't delete it without listening to it.
He'll probably listen to it before he deletes it.
Brendon doesn't have time to do anything, though, because his mom calls him down for dinner. He wipes his eyes so that it doesn't look like he's been asleep and goes downstairs. Hopefully his mom won't ask him about Jon again.
+
It's Saturday afternoon by the time Brendon actually listens to Jon's message. He hovers over the voicemail button a dozen times before then, but he never actually manages to go through with it. He almost deletes the message twice without listening to it, but he can't bring himself to do it. When Brendon finally does call his voicemail, the woman on the end of the line tells him politely that he has one missed call, and then Jon's voice comes over the line, quiet and far away: "Hey, so, sorry I left you hanging today. I had to go do something for my mom, but I'll totally make it up to you. We'll hang out, okay?"
Brendon suspects from Jon's tone that he didn't actually have anything to do for his mom. He tosses the phone onto the bed, and digs out his homework.
Jon doesn't call again for the rest of the weekend, and he doesn't send any texts. Neither does Brendon.
+
Brendon and Jon avoid each other on Monday. Well, Jon mostly avoids Brendon and Brendon just doesn't do anything to stop it. Tuesday -- and all the way through Friday -- is more of the same. On Friday, Brendon is ready to walk home alone because he assumes Jon's going to leave him again. Jon's ignored him all week; Brendon's assuming today won't be any different.
But Jon is leaning against his rusty old car in the parking lot with his sunglasses on, waiting for Brendon. "Get in," he says. Brendon does. Jon turns the radio on, louder than usual, and sings along to a song Brendon's never heard before. He gets halfway to Brendon's house and stops in a parking lot of a convenience store.
"Okay," Jon says. "Sorry, this is dumb." He turns to look at Brendon and continues, "Don't you think this is dumb?"
"It depends on what 'this' you're talking about," Brendon says, pointedly not looking at Jon.
"The whole avoiding each other thing," Jon says. "It's really dumb. I probably started it and I'm sorry. Now let's just go back to the original plan."
"What was the original plan?" Brendon asks. He hopes that kissing wasn't the original plan, because he's pretty sure his neighbor is watching them as she pumps her gas.
"Pretending it didn't happen," Jon says. "You know the -- whatever."
"Oh," Brendon says. "Oh, yeah. Totally." He nods and finally looks at Jon, smiling. "Never happened."
The part of Brendon that isn't completely relieved nothing else is going to come of it doesn't really like this plan.
+
Brendon's mom is happy to see that Jon and Brendon are speaking again. She completely embarrasses Brendon by telling Jon that Brendon's been moping around all week. Jon grins, probably because he's coming up with different ways to mock Brendon about it when they're alone. Then his mom says, "Are you staying over, Jon?" because Jon usually stays over a lot on Fridays, or Brendon stays over at his place -- whichever is easiest -- but it all seems kind of weird now.
"Uhm, Jon," Brendon says. At the same time, Jon says, "Yes ma'am, if that's alright. I just need to call my mom and dad and let them know."
Brendon doesn't really know how he feels about this situation, but Jon seems happy, so Brendon smiles and says nothing. They're pretending that whole making out thing didn't happen anyway, so this won't be awkward unless they let it be -- and Brendon is determined not to let it be.
+
"So, I talked to Ryan," Jon says. "It seems that he and Spencer are between bands right now." He goes into some complicated story about how Ryan got into a fight with Trevor, whoever that is, and Brent took his side, and they broke up for the third time this year, even though it's only March. "So we should make a plan to meet up next weekend. I swear, you'll really love them."
"Yeah, cool," Brendon says. He's making an effort to seem a lot less excited than he really is. This is kind of his dream, and it might actually be coming true. Then something clicks inside Brendon's head and he says, "Wait, so, are you only talking to me again because we might have this band now?"
"What?" Jon looks surprised. "That's stupid, Brendon. You're my friend. Do you really think that's what this is about?"
"No," Brendon says. "I guess not. It's just that you kind of avoided me for a whole week and everything, and you left me at school last Friday."
"I told you, I had to --" Brendon holds up a hand, cutting Jon off, and says, "I know, you had to do something for your mom." Brendon still doesn't really believe it, especially with the way that Jon is looking at his feet and not at Brendon.
"Whatever. Hey, let's listen to a CD," Brendon says, changing the subject.
"Yeah, okay," Jon says, somewhat mollified. "Hey, I got Tom's CD in the mail." He pulls it out of his backpack. "Here, we can listen to this."
"I can't believe your best friend actually has a CD."
"I know, it's so cool," Jon says. "This is gonna be us, you know. We'll have an actual CD with cover art and songs that we recorded."
"Yeah," Brendon says. Tom's band is pretty decent, for a few kids that are just sort of messing around. It's not really the kind of music that Jon and Brendon want to play, but it's good. He likes it. "Man, an actual CD. I can't even believe it."
Brendon and Jon are sitting close on Brendon's floor, next to the stereo. Jon's sitting Indian style with his shoes long forgotten, and Brendon's sitting on his feet, legs bent at the knees, sort of bouncing.
"So," Jon says. "Did you see that we got a B on our project?" He grins at Brendon.
"Yep," Brendon says. "Because we're awesome. And we did the whole thing in a few hours. Just imagine how great we could have done if we'd actually paced ourselves." Jon laughs and Brendon shifts to sit with his legs outstretched, feet kicking at Jon. Brendon gets restless after a while, and he can't sit still. He likes to be in motion a lot.
"Get your feet off of me," Jon says, but he's grinning. Brendon kicks more. Jon laughs and says, "You're an asshole. Has anyone ever told you that before?"
"Yeah, you have," Brendon says, grinning. He scoots over so that he's sitting next to Jon, rather than in front of him, and sits indian style, too. "Better?"
"As long as your feet aren't on me, we're good," Jon says. Then, "We should do something fun tomorrow."
"Like what?" Brendon asks. "I don't have any money."
"It's cool, dude. I have a job, remember? I've got ya." Jon makes a thoughtful hm sound and says, "We should go see a movie. I don't know what. What's out?"
"I don't have a clue, man." Brendon shrugs. "Don't you work on Saturdays?"
"Yeah, but in the afternoon," Jon says. "We can do something after that. Oh, wait, you have an early curfew. Oh well, maybe next Friday. I like your parents and everything, but we should do something without them."
Brendon laughs and says, "Okay, cool." He bobs his head and then puts it on Jon's shoulder, listening to the music. "We're gonna have a band."
"Yep," Jon says. "We are."
Brendon's kind of tired and probably falling asleep, but it's not even very late yet. He doesn't really want to go to bed. He says, "I'm hungry. Let's go see if we can find something to eat downstairs."
"Nah, you go. I'm good," Jon says. "I need to call my mom anyway and tell her that I'm not coming home." Brendon could have sworn that Jon had already called his parents an hour ago, but he shrugs, says, "Suit yourself," and goes downstairs.
Brendon gets a couple of cans of caffeine free Coke, a bag of chips and some cookies. His mom looks at him like she's going to argue, but Brendon only shrugs and says, "Jon's hungry," because heading back upstairs. Brendon's mom always lets Jon have junk food because she thinks he's such a nice boy. Brendon occasionally suspects that his mom likes Jon more than she likes Brendon. He gets to the door and has to shuffle things around a little to be able to open the door. He can hear Jon talking on the phone through the closed door, saying, "Yeah, I don't know. It's still kind of weird, I guess." Brendon doesn't suspect that Jon has told his mom about what happened between them, so he thinks that Jon is probably talking to someone else or about something else.
"Yeah, he's probably almost back," Jon says suddenly. "Okay, bye." He hangs up.
Brendon waits a couple of seconds before opening the door. "I brought you a soda," he says. Brendon knows Jon tends to make a face at the caffeine free stuff, but it's all Brendon's mom will buy. "Did you talk to your mom?"
"My -- oh. Yeah," Jon says. "Yeah, I did."
Brendon nods, and Jon says, "Thanks," as he opens his soda.
Brendon opens the cookies. When Jon tries to grab for the bag, Brendon shakes his head and says, "Nope, you said you weren't hungry. Sorry." He grins around the cookie he's got in his mouth before he bites down on it and chews. "They're really good, too."
"That isn't fair," Jon says. "I had to call my mom!"
Brendon just shrugs.
"You're going to force me to take drastic measures, Brendon."
"What are you going to do? Tackle me for the cookies?" Brendon laughs and flops back on the bed, cradling the cookies to his chest. "Sorry, Jon. You had your chance and you missed it." Jon stands up from his spot on the floor, and Brendon grins. "You're seriously going to fight me for these?"
"If I have to," Jon says, grinning back at him. "Come on, Brendon. I'm ruthless and you know it." Brendon grins even wider at him and shrugs, taking another bite of the cookie. Jon says, "Oh, see, now it's on. That look doesn't work the way you think it does."
He walks over to Brendon and says, "Are you going to hand the bag over?" Brendon shakes his head, holding the bag tighter. Jon gets onto the bed, knees on either side of Brendon's body. "Are you going to make me do this? Really?" Brendon nods, and Jon leans over, grabbing Brendon's hands loosely.
Brendon puts up a fake struggle and says, "I'll call my mom if you hurt me. She'll make you leave."
"Hand over the cookies and no one gets hurt," Jon says, pushing at Brendon's arms.
Brendon keeps his arms locked and shakes his head, says, "You'll have to be more creative than that," and keeps grinning.
"Oh," Jon says. "Okay, you're going to play dirty." He moves his hands and pokes at Brendon's side. "I'm going to do this until you let go of the bag. There's your choice."
"Jon, that--" Brendon can't talk through his laughter. He drops his arms and starts batting at Jon's hands. "Stop, stop, okay, you win!"
"That's what I thought," Jon says. "I always win." He grins. He's still leaning over Brendon and the cookies are on the bed beside them, forgotten. Brendon stops laughing and looks at Jon. Brendon can't stop smiling, and Jon's smiling, too. Jon leans down a little more, hovering over Brendon, and says, "So." Brendon doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything. He leans up, closing the small the distance between them, and kisses Jon because he's kind of wanted to do it again since the first time it happened.
"Brendon," Jon says, pulling away just enough that he can say Brendon's name.
Brendon shakes his head and pulls Jon back down to him.
Brendon can't think about anything but Jon and the kiss. He knows that if he does, he might freak out. They keep kissing. Brendon plays with the hair at the nape of Jon's neck, which hasn't been cut in a while. It's curling at the end, and it's really soft. It feels good in Brendon's fingers.
Jon puts one hand under Brendon's shirt and makes contact with the skin at Brendon's hip. His hands are rough, and it feels better than Brendon would probably admit to anyone other than himself. Brendon's starting to get a little breathless, but he doesn't want to stop. He pulls back just far enough that he can kiss Jon's jawline, and he kisses Jon on the mouth again. Jon isn't protesting so he figures it's okay.
Jon pulls away long enough to get Brendon's shirt off and say, "What the hell are we doing?" There's a hint of laughter behind it.
Brendon doesn't know what they're doing, but that doesn't make him want it any less. He says, "My parents are downstairs," because he doesn't know what else to say.
"Yeah," Jon says. "I know. Maybe this is a bad--" Brendon cuts him off with another kiss. He moves his hands down Jon's sides and says, "Maybe we should --"
Jon says, "Yeah, we should stop."
"No," Brendon says. "I was going to say we should get more comfortable." He shifts, moving under Jon and turning so that his legs aren't bent over the side of the bed anymore and his head is at his pillow. He pulls Jon back over and says, "This isn't fair. Why am I the only one who's half-naked?"
Jon laughs. "I thought we were pretending this didn't happen."
"I changed my mind," Brendon says. "Now, shirt off." He'd be lying if he said he wasn't scared, but Brendon's trying not to think about the fact that this is Jon, his best friend, another guy, and concentrating on thinking about the fact that kissing Jon feels really fucking good. Brendon can only imagine how good everything else might feel. Jon finally gets his shirt off and kisses Brendon again, trailing little kisses down his jawline and his neck and then back up to his mouth.
And then there's a knock on the door
Jon jumps off the bed right as Brendon's mom says, "We're going to bed, Brendon. You should think about doing the same pretty soon." Brendon thanks whatever God there is that she didn't come barging in like she usually does. That would have been really hard to explain.
"So," Jon says.
Brendon says, "Yeah, I guess this wasn't the best idea."
"I think I'll sleep on the floor," Jon says.
Brendon really wants to tell Jon that he doesn't have to do that. There's plenty of room in the bed, and if they end up kissing or something, it's fine because they can totally be quiet. Brendon's mom would never know. But Jon looks like he's not into that anymore, so Brendon just says, "Okay," and hands him a blanket.
+
Jon is gone when Brendon wakes up. There's a note scribbled on a piece of scrap paper on the table next to the bed that says, went home had to get ready for work come by later? in Jon's handwriting. Brendon smiles to himself.
He's still smiling when he goes downstairs for breakfast (closer to lunch now). Kyla is in the living room with his mom, telling her something about school. She goes to UNLV and has an apartment right near campus so that she doesn't have to drive back and forth, but she still comes home a few times a week.
"Hey, baby brother," she says. "Jon got out of here pretty early."
"Oh," Brendon says. "Yeah, he had to go to work."
"You doing anything this afternoon?" Kyla asks. "I was kind of hoping we could hang out or something."
Brendon doesn't know what's up, but Kyla never just wants to hang out with him. She hangs out with Kara sometimes, and even Matt and Mason, but she never wants to hang out with Brendon. "Uhm, okay," he says, because he doesn't really know what else to say.
Brendon stops in the kitchen to make a sandwich and then goes upstairs to change his clothes. He sends a quick text to Jon telling him he's going to hang out with Kyla and doesn't know if he'll be able to stop by the Starbucks where Jon works. He goes back downstairs. Kyla's telling their mom that she'll have Brendon back in time for dinner tonight.
"Ready to go?" Brendon asks. He really only wants to know what Kyla is up to.
Kyla doesn't say anything when they get in her car. They've been driving for about ten minutes before Brendon says, "Okay, so what's up?"
"You have to promise not to get mad at me," Kyla says. That doesn't sound promising, but Brendon doesn't think he's done anything wrong, so he just says, "Okay."
"Mom thinks something's up with you and she wants me to find out what it is," Kyla says. "But you don't have to tell me. I just told her that I'd take you out and talk to you. I can tell her it's nothing." Brendon's really thankful that his mom sent Kyla after him and not Matt or Mason. "And if you want to tell me, I won't tell mom if you don't want me to."
"Okay," Brendon agrees, but he doesn't offer any more explanation. "Where are we going?"
"Well, I was going to take you to lunch, but you just ate," Kyla says. "I don't know. Do you feel like going to the mall?" She grins and adds, "I might even buy you something if you behave."
"I'm not seven anymore," Brendon says. "And sure, that sounds good. Can we stop by the Starbucks in the food court before we leave? I told Jon I'd try to swing by. We have some school stuff to talk about." Brendon knows that if there's anyone he could possibly tell, it would be Kyla. He's just not sure if he's ready to share his secret yet.
"Sure," Kyla says. "Does mom know you drink coffee?"
"What?" Brendon says. And then, "I don't drink coffee! Okay, once, but it was Jon's fault. He gave it to me for free and I didn't want to be rude." He realizes that Kyla is laughing at him and says, "You suck," but it's obvious that he doesn't mean it. He just starts laughing, too.
+
Brendon is hungry again. He says this repeatedly and in various whiny tones until Kyla agrees to buy him something from the food court. She goes to order the food while Brendon finds a seat and texts Jon, coming by but w/kyla. maybe an hour. :) He snaps the phone shut just as Kyla comes back with their food.
"Texting? Really, Brendon?" Kyla says. "I always knew you'd be the rebellious one. Between the coffee and using your phone for non-emergencies, I just don't know what I'm going to do with you."
"It was an emergency," Brendon says. "I had to warn Jon that my crazy sister was coming with me." He grins, grabbing his burger from the tray.
"Say I'm crazy again and I won't keep your secret when you finally decide to tell me whatever it is," Kyla says. "You're going to tell me, right?"
"I'm going to what?" Brendon asks. He knows what Kyla means, and he wants to tell her -- at least, he wants to give her a vague idea, if only for the possible advice that she could give him -- but Brendon hasn't decided how much he wants to give her yet.
"Tell me what is going on with you," Kyla say. "You know what I meant."
"Yeah," Brendon says. "Okay." He puts his burger down and pushes it away from him, unfinished. "So, I'm kind of interested in someone, but...I don't know."
"Oh, Brendon, that's so cute!" Kyla says. "You don't know what? If she's interested in you, too? I mean, if you're really interested in that way. I can tell you that if you think you're interested in dating this girl, you probably are." That's kind of what Brendon was afraid of. He doesn't want to be interested in Jon. It will cause too many problems he doesn't want to deal with.
"I just don't know," Brendon says. "How do you know if someone wants you like that?"
"Well, everyone's different," Kyla says. "I think you should just ask her out and see what happens. I mean, the worst that could happen is that she says no, laughs about you with her friends and turns you into an outcast at school."
"Thanks for that," Brendon says. "And anyway, that won't happen. I'm already an outcast." He grabs his burger again, taking another bite, and says, "This is disgusting. Next time I get to pick."
"Only if you're paying," Kyla says. "So, do I get to meet her?"
"Her? Meet who?" Brendon says, and then he remembers. "Oh, her. Uhm, I don't think that'd be a good idea."
"Okay," Kyla says, but she doesn't sound convinced. Brendon just doesn't know how to tell her, yeah, it's a dude, and you've met him multiple times, and hey, we're going to see him right now. He's not too sure it would go over well.
Brendon doesn't say anything else on the subject, and they finish their lunch with minimal amounts of small talk and then make their way to a few more stores. Finally, Kyla says, "Okay, we should run to Starbucks now so that we can get home. Mom wants you back soon."
There's a short line at Starbucks, and they sneak into the back of it. Jon and another guy are making drinks while a girl that Brendon recognizes from band is taking orders. They make it up to the register and she smiles at them, asking what the want. Jon looks up and says, "Grande White Mocha, an extra pump of white mocha," and goes back to working on the drink for the girl in front of him. Kyla looks skeptical, but Brendon nods and says, "What he said." Kyla tells the cashier what she wants, but Brendon is already going down to the end of the counter to wait for his drink. To wait for Jon.
"Hey," Brendon says, after Jon hands the girl her drink. There's no one behind him, so Brendon leans on the counter, getting as comfortable as he can, peeking over it as Jon starts on his drink.
"Hey," Jon says. "How's it going?" Brendon isn't sure if he's imagining that Jon's smile is a little wider than usual.
"You know," Brendon says. "Mom sent my sister after me to find out my big secret or whatever. I guess she thinks I've been acting weird." He shrugs.
"Hey, Jon," Kyla says, walking up to them. "How have you been?"
"Good," Jon says. "How's school?"
"Pretty good," Kyla says. "So do you know anything about this girl Brendon likes?" And Brendon's not entirely sure, but he thinks he goes red because his face suddenly feels really hot. He's going to kill Kyla later.
"Girl?" Jon says. It's kind of funny how he looks like a deer in headlights and then manages to spill Brendon's drink all over the counter. Brendon is even more embarrassed by his sister. "I mean, no, not really. He hasn't said anything."
"Oh well," Kyla says. "I guess I'll just have to get it out of him." She's giving Jon kind of a weird look and Brendon's not sure what to make of it. The other barista comes over with Kyla's iced tea and she thanks him. Jon is remaking Brendon's drink. When he finishes it, he hands it to Brendon over the counter and says, "Give me just a second, I'll take a break." Brendon nods and goes to sit at one of the tables in the corner with Kyla. She's studying Brendon pretty closely, but he avoids looking at her by looking at his coffee cup. Jon has written Brendon's name on it, even though he didn't really have to.
Jon comes over and slides an extra chair up to their table, sitting down between Kyla and Brendon. "I'm yours for fifteen minutes," he says.
Brendon suddenly feels like he should have thought this through a little more carefully because he feels really awkward. Jon doesn't look like he feels as awkward as Brendon does, but that doesn't make Brendon feel any better.
Jon says, "Did Brendon tell you that we're starting a band?"
"No," Kyla says. "That sounds like fun. Who else is in the band?"
Jon laughs. "Well, we're still thinking about that, but it's going to happen. Right Brendon?" He looks over at Brendon and smiles.
Brendon says, "Yeah," and concentrates on drinking his coffee.
Kyla looks between Brendon and Jon. She says, "I have to go to the ladies' room. Can you watch my stuff, Brendon?"
"Oh my God," Brendon says when she's gone. "I'm sorry." He drops his head to the table until he realizes Jon is laughing. Brendon looks up, unamused. "What?"
"Nothing," Jon says, still laughing. "You just look so tragic. It's kind of hilarious."
"Fine," Brendon says. "Laugh at my pain. See if I play the piano for your band." They both know it's an empty threat. When Jon starts laughing again, Brendon can't help joining him. "Okay, I guess you win."
"Always," Jon says. "Hey, so, before your sister comes back, I just wanted to -- I mean, about last night..."
"Oh, yeah," Brendon says, waving a hand. "I know, right? Whatever, didn't happen." He's pretty sure from Jon's tone that that's what he was going to say.
"Actually," Jon starts. Then he shakes his head and says, "Yeah, totally. Forget it, right? I should get back to work."
"What? You said you had fifteen --"
"Hey, Brendon, are you ready to go?" Kyla asks, coming back from the restroom and cutting Brendon off.
Jon smiles at her and says, "It was nice seeing you again Kyla. Talk to you later, Brendon." He walks away before Brendon can answer.
Brendon smiles at Kyla, takes one last sip of his coffee and tosses it in the garbage on the way out. He doesn't feel so great anymore.
+
They get halfway back to the house before Kyla says anything. There's a song by some new pop act on the radio and Brendon couldn't name the group if he tried. It's about unrequited love and heartache. Brendon reaches over to turn the radio off.
Kyla glances at him from the corner of her eye. "Are you okay?"
"Fine," Brendon says. "I just hate that song. Not a fan of that genre, you know." He hopes that satisfies her.
"Yeah," she says.
Brendon taps out a beat on his thigh, looking out the window. He feels like he probably needs to go back to the mall and talk to Jon right now, or maybe hang out with him tonight. Everything feels so strange, and he doesn't like it at all.
"So, this girl, what's her name?" Kyla says.
"What?" Brendon says, surprised by the question. "Oh, right." He pauses, then asks, "Why is it important?"
"Curious," Kyla says. Brendon's not looking at her, but he's sure she shrugs. "Is she in band? Or in one of your classes? How did you meet her?"
"What's with all the questions?" Brendon asks, possibly with a little more force than he intended. "I thought you weren't going to make me say anything."
"Okay," Kyla says. She turns the radio back on. Brendon's a little relieved because he takes that to mean that she's not going to say anything else. There's a commercial on for a guitar store opening in town. Brendon is pulling out his phone to text Jon and tell him about it when Kyla says, "You know, Brendon, if there's anything you need to talk about, you can tell me. I won't tell mom, and I won't judge you."
"There's nothing to tell," Brendon says. She can say that all she wants, but he doesn't really believe it.
They pull into the drive way and Kyla turns off the car. She turns to Brendon. "Jon's a good friend," she says.
"Yeah," Brendon says. "Do you promise not to tell mom? No matter what I say?"
"I promise," Kyla says. "Now, go."
"I don't know. There's something weird going on with Jon," Brendon says. It's so strange to say it out loud to someone. He and Jon technically haven't even talked about it yet. "Something sort of happened between us, and I don't know if it's as weird for him as it is for me. He just sort of acts like everything's the same, even though it's really not."
"You should just make him listen," Kyla says. "If you let him avoid it, you're not making things any easier for either of you."
"But what if it screws everything up?" Brendon asks. " Like, what if I tell him what I want, and he doesn't -- Ky, he's really the only friend I have, and I don't want to fuck that up."
"You might have to take that chance," Kyla says.
"Why are you being so cool about this?" Brendon says. He never imagined that anyone in his family would be okay with anything about this situation. It goes against everything Brendon has ever been taught.
"Someone has to be," Kyla says. She looks at the house and adds, "You know they won't be, right? None of them. At least, not for a while."
"I don't think they'd be okay with a lot of the decisions I'm going to make." No one but Kyla knows that Brendon is planning on being in a band, trying to make it big and getting out of Vegas. "Anyway, I don't even know if I'm okay with it."
"It's not that big a deal," Kyla says, "you know that, right?" Brendon is surprised that anyone in his family could feel that way, but he only nods. "You having a thing for Jon...it's just as natural as me falling in love with the next guy who comes running down this street." Brendon nods again, even though he's not entirely sure he believes her. Kyla says, "Anyway, if it's not Jon, it's going to be someone else."
Brendon hasn't really thought about it that way. He's never been attracted to a guy before Jon. Then again, he hasn't really been interested in many girls either, so maybe that's not the best argument.
+
Jon picks Brendon up for school on Monday. They get halfway there before Jon says anything to Brendon.
"So there's a girl?" he asks.
"Uhm," Brendon says. "No, not really." He'd texted Jon a couple of times on Sunday, but he hadn't been able to get much more than a pick you up tmrw? in reply. "Kyla was kind of bugging me, so I made something up." It's true enough not to be a total lie. Brendon figures it's okay.
"Cool," Jon says. "I'd hate to think you had a secret girlfriend this whole time and weren't telling me." He laughs, but there's something missing behind it.
"No," Brendon says. "No secret girlfriend."
"No practice today," Brendon says when Jon pulls into the parking lot and stops the car. "You still gonna give me a ride home?"
"Sure," Jon says. Brendon opens the door and steps out just as Jon says, "Hey, Brendon, wait."
Brendon stops and looks back at Jon.
"Nevermind," Jon says. "I'll talk to you in history."
Brendon nods and smiles, waving at Jon as he says goodbye. He wants to know what Jon was going to say, but he doesn't think Jon would tell him, even if he asked.
+
Jon doesn't actually talk to Brendon in history. He waves, but he doesn't make eye contact and he doesn't say anything. He barely talks to Brendon at lunch. Brendon is trying not to be annoyed, but it's not working very well. He goes out to Jon's car after school, arriving before Jon, and hops up to sit on the hood and wait. Jon comes out a few minutes later, waves at Brendon, but walks past him and gets into the car without speaking to him.
Brendon follows. They sit in silence while Jon starts up the car and backs out of the parking space. Eventually, Brendon gets tired of not talking and says, "So what's up?"
"Bad day, I guess," Jon says, shrugging.
"Wanna talk about it?" Brendon asks.
"Not really," Jon says. Brendon doesn't really know what to say to that, so he just looks out the window and watches the streets pass. The part of Brendon that is completely irrational wants to lean over and kiss Jon right now, just to get some sort of reaction, but he knows it's a bad idea.
"Do you have to go home?" Jon asks.
"Probably," Brendon says. "I mean, I guess I could tell my mom I forgot I had practice."
"Okay," Jon says. He skips Brendon's street and keeps driving, taking the road to his own house "My parent's aren't home," he says. And then, "We should talk."
Brendon is surprised that Jon wants to talk at all. He wonders if Jon is going to tell him it's no good, that they shouldn't hang out anymore because things are weird between them and they only keep getting weirder. He doesn't think Jon would do that, but Brendon's not too sure of anything anymore.
They go inside and up to Jon's room. Jon sits down on his bed. Brendon feels awkward because he's just hovering by the door. He's almost afraid to go into the room, so he stands in the doorway while Jon opens and closes his mouth a couple times like he's about to say something. "Come here," he says eventually, and Brendon does. He sits down on the edge of the bed, probably a little farther away from Jon than is strictly necessary, but he's nervous. Brendon doesn't know what Jon's going to say. He might have to run.
"What's up?" he says.
"I don't know," Jon says. "This is weird."
"Yeah," Brendon says. "Look, if you just don't think we should hang out anymore, you can tell me. I'll understand." It isn't even close to what Brendon wants, but if that's what Jon wants Brendon won't fight him on it.
"No," Jon says. "I want..." He leans over and grabs Brendon's wrist, pulling him closer. Brendon's head is spinning, just a little, but he doesn't pull away. He wants to see where this is going. They're facing each other now, and Jon bites his lip for a moment, like he's trying to figure something out, before he leans over and kisses Brendon again. It doesn't last very long before Jon pulls away and says, "I just had to find out."
"Find out what?" Brendon says.
"If you'd bolt," Jon replies, laughing. Brendon laughs too, and then they're kissing again. Brendon's not sure who kisses who this time, but it doesn't matter. Jon pushes Brendon down and they stretch out together on Jon's bed.
Jon moves just far enough away from Brendon so that he can speak. "Are you okay with this?" He's looking at Brendon like he's a little unsure, but he's still half-smiling.
"Yeah," Brendon says. "Yes, so okay with this." Brendon doesn't know if he's going to regret any of this later, but all he's thinking about is what's happening right now and how good it feels when Jon kisses him again.
Jon shifts his weight up on one elbow so that he can pull Brendon's shirt off. He takes is own shirt off, too, and then he leans down and starts to press lazy kisses to Brendon's jaw, his neck, under his chin where he's ticklish. Brendon squirms a little bit as Jon fumbles with the button and zipper on his jeans. His fingers are rough against Brendon's bare skin, giving him goose bumps, and by the time Jon finally gets Brendon's jeans off, Brendon is panting noisily through his open mouth.
Jon leans down again to kiss him again. Brendon is so caught up in it, distracted by the wet pressure of Jon's mouth against his, that he's startled when he feels Jon's hand on his cock. It's not that he wasn't expecting things to go this way; Brendon had just thought he'd have a little more time to get used to the feeling of their bare chests pressed together, the way Jon is touching him. Jon's hand feels different on Brendon's cock than his own does. It's good, though. It's definitely a good kind of different.
Brendon knows Jon is hard in his jeans; he can feel Jon's cock pressed up against his leg through the denim. Brendon's legs are bare and cold, and he's the only person not wearing pants in this situation. He must look stupid. Brendon feels pretty stupid, but he can tell that Jon is trying to get some better friction, so he reaches down, manages to unzip Jon's jeans one-handed and sticks a hand into his boxers.
Wrapping his fingers around Jon's cock is strange. Brendon kind of wishes he had both hands free so that he could explore a little, maybe find out what makes Jon feel good, but there isn't enough room for that. There isn't enough time for exploration, either, so Brendon has to make do with only one hand. He tightens his grip so that Jon can half-thrust forward into the circle of his fingers. Brendon can feel himself getting close, and Jon's movements are getting jerkier and jerkier. He actually lets out a loud moan, and when Jon shuts him up with another kiss, that's all it takes to send Brendon over the edge.
He comes all over Jon's hand and all over himself. There's a moment immediately afterward when Brendon feels kind of weak and tired all over, but he tries to keep jerking Jon off in a steady rhythm, gripping his cock tighter and trying to make it good for him. It's not much longer before Jon comes too.
Jon rolls over to lie next to Brendon, grabbing his discarded T-shirt and wiping them both down with it. He says, "Wow."
"Yeah," Brendon says. He laughs. "Yeah, wow."
"What's so funny?" Jon asks, looking mildly amused himself.
"I don't know. I thought you were going to tell me you didn't want to talk to me anymore or something," Brendon says. "I mean, after all that stuff about pretending it never happened."
Jon laughs, loudly.
"Brendon," he says. "I only said that because I assumed it was what you wanted to do. I mean, with your family. You didn't seem -- I don't know -- all that thrilled or anything."
"Oh," Brendon says. "I guess I freaked out a little bit at first, but I don't know. You're --" Brendon cuts himself off, and then says, "I don't know. You're you, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Jon says. Downstairs, the front door opens and slams closed. Jon groans. "Shit, that's probably my mom."
"I guess I should go," Brendon says. "Unless we have another project due tomorrow that we should work on."
"Do you think your mom and dad would buy it?" Jon grins.
"We can try," Brendon says. "We should talk more about the band."
"Yeah, the band," Jon agrees. "We're gonna to be amazing."
"I know," Brendon says. "We really are."
I'm sorry. /o\
no subject
Date: 2009-05-06 04:45 am (UTC)